A View from the Solarium - CPA-Related satire, some useful information...

Part of:

What's here:

Fun People          - CPA Links Corrupt Politicians          - Our Student's Council	Authoritative Essays          - Some funny... Weird Music          - Some cool...
William Matheson: E-Mail, Home Page	Guestbook: Sign, View, View Dated, View Old, View Really Old

NEW AS OF 10/04/2000 - IN BRIEF:
Essay #25: "William Matheson's 'The Artifact'" - Read it! Read it! The script for the (in)famous Michael Fox film starring Matt Langille, Brooke Barnard, and Adrienne Junek, among others! Now includes cast photographs and the script to Calum MacLeod's "Life After Y2K".
- I am advising people not to trust "Fun People: The CPA Links Page" as the definitive collection of links to CPA student web pages since it hasn't been updated in over a year.
- I prefer to go by 'William' now. This has yet to completely catch on, however.

THE ESSAY LIST:
All the stuff that's fit for the web...

THE 1997-1998 SEMESTER II ESSAYS:
1. "The Day of Hell" - All about Friday, February 13th, 1998. This was written back when I was a very angry and bitter person, and it shows up markedly in my writing. But it is still very very funny.
2. "How to be Sensitive so that Girls Will Like You" - By the non-expert. I'd say this essay is one of my classics, even though I ripped one too many lines from Dave Barry.
3. "Insanity" - All about my March Break '98. Features a few words about Skiing, and a few words about bad commercials. Also includes my first 'viewer mail' segment.
4. "High School: It's A Concept - The Parody" - It's easy to write a parody of a stupid play. I had a horrible time in Drama 10, but if I was the person I was now it would have gone by better. It's a bit crude, but there are some really funny lines in here. Includes more viewer mail.
5. "In The News" - This one got trashed... I made 'fun' of too many things in all the wrong ways. This is probably the only thing I've ever written seriously and not find myself proud of.
6. "How To Be A Moron" by Zachary van Helvoort, an old buddy of mine. This is soooo funny!! You will die laughing! Well, seriously, I hope you don't, but read it just the same!
7. "The Ideal Practical Joke" - ... but I wouldn't actually do this, even though the most common response was "sounds like something you might do". =) Besides, these days this 'ideal' joke of mine would land you in prison.
8. "Comprehensive Survey" - Hehehe... comprehensive, huh? I was trying out for editor of the '99 Pickle Jar, and one of my assignments was to take a survey. I don't recall if it got published in the magazine or not though.
9. _________ __ _______ - Holden Caulfield at CPA... horrors! Lots of funny lines.
THE SUMMER '98 ESSAYS:
10. "The Inaugural Meeting" - A triple-layered narrative. First the '98 Prom, then a bus trip to PEI, then the 'minutes' of our first Student's Council meeting which is absolutely true except for the fact that I just made them up.
11. "The CPA Revolution" - Part One: The Plot Unfolds - A computer lab malfunction sends CPA into chaos. People are taken hostage, and just about every comical horror you can think of manifests itself in this slapstick comedy. Part Two: 20,000 Bricks Under the Roof - As the Tantalon Separation Federation nears having a complete strangle-hold on CPA, only a few individuals stand in the way of indefinite oppression...
12. "The CPA Revolution - 2nd Phase" - Just a continuation of Part Two in another document, nothing special. I now refer to "The CPA Revolution" as Essay #11, 12.
THE 1998-1999 SEMESTER I ESSAYS:
13. "CLM & PAL" - The two stupidest courses ever. I got a really funny essay out of it, though. Includes the third 'viewer mail' segment.
14. "The History of the World" by Richard Lederer, a guy with a great sense of humor. Mr. Law showed it to me and I felt it could use a home on my site. (Mr. Lederer distributed this particular article all over the internet.) Give this one a read, it's pretty funny.
15. "Retreat Into Darkness" - My time of Sunday, September 21st, 1998. Being the bitter and impatient person that I was, I got a little nuts about our little Council retreat and where my family went out to dinner beforehand.
16. "I Requested Congo" - I had a bad... okay fine I'll bow to the masses and call it a 'spaz'. A very bad one. At a dance. Nothing bad happened, I just... - hey! Read the essay!
17. "Offensive Content" - The viewer mail was getting to me. Probably the least effective essay on my site, although what my uncle's niece Brandy wrote and my analysis is pretty funny, though I wasn't in a jovial spirit when I 'wrote' this.
18. "The CPA Constitution" - A thoughtful review of Council regulations. Serious, informative, yet funny. Maybe I should write guidebooks for a living. But then I'd probably get fired.
19. "Mr. Barry Has Nothing On Me" - A reflection on "Jerks of Society" by Dave Barry. Actually it 'reflects' a lot more on me than the actual original article, but that makes it that much more close to the heart. My first essay to include illustrations.
THE 1998-1999 SEMESTER II ESSAYS:
20. "Sages of Time - Part One: A Dramatis Personae of Sorts" - As told by two students several years from now, Lori Walsh embarks on her quest for linear sanity against a background of anxiety, tears, and political and physical change to CPA. And things aren't as simple as she imagines... My first essay written for "A View from the Solarium". And there are lots of illustrations. Read it, it's great!
21. "Sleeping in the Solarium" - Ha-ha! I think I've finally got the art of writing a good rant down pat now. Read about Prom, Safe Grad, and other late-June events. Not the thoughtful reflective final episode I was hoping to write (a la Babylon 5's "Sleeping in Light" from which we derive the name), but good for what it's really trying to be: a rant. There are also a lot of illustrations, perhaps this is reflective of the quality content I started cranking out regularly at #18. =) My first essay written for "A View from the Solarium's" new location at Crosswinds.
THE SUMMER '99 ESSAYS:
THE 1999-2000 SEMESTER I ESSAYS:
22. "And All My Dreams, Torn Asunder" - Another B5 title rip! Quite apropos, for it's my Valedictorian candidacy speech! And we all know how well that went!
THE 1999-2000 SEMESTER II ESSAYS:
23. "Emotional Grab Bag" - Something new and interesting. Read it and notice a gradual change in my attitude from start to finish. Also sports a summary of some dreams I've been having. The first essay to include a Dream Book segment.
24. "The First CPA Film Festival" - Hey, some film reviews! =)
25. "William Matheson's 'The Artifact'" - Read it! Read it! The script for the (in)famous Michael Fox film starring Matt Langille, Brooke Barnard, and Adrienne Junek, among others! Now includes cast photographs and the script to Calum MacLeod's "Life After Y2K".
THE SUMMER '00 ESSAYS:
26. "Sages of Time - Part Two: The New Age" - Let's face it. I'm never going to finish this story... not the CPA part of it anyway. I figure I owe it to the people in it, however, to tell what little bits of their stories I did finish. I will also talk a bit about what future I have planned for the series. This is it, as they say. Goodbye CPA.

"NON-ESSAY" PAGES:

The CPA Links Page - Links to other web sites made by CPA students, teachers, and alumni. Also featured are links to the official school pages. (No, this is not the official school page...) Now, I realize everyone wants to get on here, and yes, it is a simple thing just to put your URL and a description in and upload the file, but the list of links is getting to be WAY too large to maintain, so please be patient with me.
Election '98 - Will's Log - I made a day-by-day log of the 1998 election, in which I ran for Vice-President and then Grade 12 Representative. I won Grade Rep, and had loads of stress-filled fun along the way.
1999-2000 Student's Council Information & Contact Page (also featuring the 1998-1999 Council, and the 1999 Graduating Class Executive!!) - To avoid confusion, I sorted out all the contact information onto a single page!
Election '99 - Will's Log - I made a day-by-day log of the 1999 election too! (And I ran for Valedictorian!)
Election '00 - Will's Log - I also made a day-by-day log of the 2000 elections, even though I wasn't directly involved in any of it.
The MIDI Page - I have some good MIDI selections here, check it out! (MIDI stands for... well I haven't got a clue what it stands for, but it's kind of like listening to someone playing one of those fancy keyboards with the different synthesized instruments.) The good part is that like 90% of you will be able to listen to these files, and they don't take a monster amount of time to download like mp3s do.
The CPA Graphics Page - This page kind of went the way of school cancellations and lunchtime supervision. But MAYBE I'll put more pictures on... maybe.
Will Matheson's Geocities Guestbook!! - You might actually want to skim through this one, the entries in it are quite entertaining! I really have to thank all those idiots who kept coming back to insult and threaten me, they made my Overall Internet Experience that much more interesting! =)
A View from the Solarium - GUESTBOOK - It wasn't around for very long (only the time between the big update and my move to Crosswinds), so only good people had a chance to sign it. A good showcase of complements for this site.
A View from the Solarium - GUESTBOOK (Third Iteration) - Eww, I can't stand GuestWorld. Some nice comments were left in here, so it's still worth a quick look anyway.
A View from the Solarium - GUESTBOOK (Fourth Iteration) - Crosswinds, though they be cool, do not offer cgi scripts or access of any kind. (and Yahoo!GeoCities does, so that's one lone point in their favor). So I struggled along with GuestWorld until I stumbled upon Mark Papadakis' guestbook program at  Phaistos Networks. It rules, but if you aren't able to handle HTML you will quickly be overwhelmed. Anyway, about the guestbook... right now it's new, but a few people signed it and I hope it remains my primary guestbook from now on! =) Click here to sign it.

My favorite web site in the entire Alpha Quadrant is "Star Trek: Hypertext". I'm also a HUGE fan of "Weird Al" Yankovic, and Babylon 5! Go get your free unlimited web space and E-Mail account from the good folks at Crosswinds!

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