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The Inaugural Meeting

A View from the Solarium RETRACTION: The 'minutes' concept was borrowed from a Calvin and Hobbes strip...

            Yay! It's summer time again! And as a usual rite of passage for myself, I downgrade to my Uncle's PC for the duration of summer. I know this was delayed in arrival, but to get this to you in a readable condition, I had to wage a DLL (dynamic link library) war with a 486 on Win 3.1 (not pretty). This "essay" is actually three in one, and so here are three document targets:

i: The CPA prom.
ii: The Bus Ride from Hell.
iii: The Inaugural Meeting of the CPA Council.

i: The CPA prom:

         I helped out.

ii: The Bus Ride from Hell.

         I sometimes wonder who coined the phrase "Half the fun is getting there". I wonder about this because I would like to strangle the person. Yes, I am being charitable here, this 11 hour bus trip of mine was truly awful. It all started sunday morning at 7:00am and went downhill from there. Several key things happened:

         Now, by your looking at this brief list, I can assume that you want to recover details from me. The snack food cost $17 because we stopped at every convenience store from Halifax to Moncton, which was the four-hour "leg one".
         Ha-ha! I know! You want to hear of the guy who got arrested! Well, that happened to involve several things, a 51 year old bum who hadn't bathed in several years, the bus, me, a 12 year old kid forced to sit beside him, and a liter or so of liquor of "whiskey" of the "10 bazillion Poof" persuasion. He was arrested for illegal possession of alcohol and causing a disturbance in
a public place 12 miles east of Springhill.
         Speaking of "locales", I swear that bus stopped in every hamlet and hovel along the way. Why the hell they don't have a direct shuttle from Halifax to Moncton, I don't know. If you want to know more about this, talk to me in person, because I can't say anything else that GeoCities would accept as "content".

iii: The Inaugural Meeting - what you've all been waiting for! Secret operatives of the MPC have intercepted this document while it was en route to the Main Office, at the request of Angela Ritcey and Jer Strong:

TO: Mr. Ray Whitman, Principal.
 FROM: Ms. Lisa MacKenzie, Council Advisor.
 RE: Student's Council meeting on June 26th.
 CC: For your eyes only, sir. I think that you will find Angela's rendition of the 10am
meeting accurate yet disturbing. Enclosed are the minutes she has taken, Will Matheson's
(leader of the Matheson Party of Canada) mental health records (the NS was very helpful to me
in providing them, we should send them a thank-you note...), Jer Strong's dossier, and my
personal evaluation on why Lauren Corscadden and Shawn Ahmed did not make the Council
(see "1st floor Water Fountain - Lead Pipes"). Also, I think the 75¢ pop in the Staff Room should
be reinstated. Get back to me on this, OK? - Lisa

 Official Minutes of Student Council Meeting - 06/26/98
  - as taken by Angela Ritcey, secretary
 MEETING TYPE: General
 VOTES: None
 QUORUM: Yes
 MEMBERS: All permitted attendance
 ADMIN: Council Advisor only
 SECURE: No
 NOTABLE ABSENCES: Colin MacDonald - reported that he was "at work"
    Kendra Bernard - reported that she "couldn't make it"
    Mark Louch - out getting a haircut
 DURATION: One hour
 CHAIR: Lisa MacKenzie, Council Advisor

0958: Absences noted as above, announcement of Mark Louch's (TMSparty) haircut greeted by hurrahs from council representatives.
0959: Ms. MacKenzie proposes a "get to know one another" game.
0959: Will Matheson (MPC leader) proposes that Ms. MacKenzie travel to the place which certain religions associate with eternal damnation.
0959: Ms. MacKenzie invokes "it'll be fun" override. Motion fails.
1000: Game begins. Will participates incorrectly.
1001: Will is given due warning as to the consequences of his behavior by Brian Haas (TMSparty leader).
1002: Ms. MacKenzie calls meeting to order.
1003: Will Matheson (MPC leader) makes formal announcement of the Student Council's e-mail address at cpacouncil@hotmail.com.
1003: A tomato mysteriously makes air contact with Will Matheson's (MPC leader) forehead.
1004: This secretary hands out Telephone Numbers of fellow Council Members.
1005: This secretary smartens up and snatches Will's away for a moment to scratch out her own number.
1006: The Constitution is now read.
1013: Will Matheson (MPC leader) proposes a new amendment and a new section: Section 14: Vigilantes - 14.1: All students have the right to bare arms.
1013: Brian Haas (TMSparty leader) proposes Will made a spelling error.
1014: Kelly Brien, as executive, formally pushes the bill through.
1015: All reps and exec except for Jer have voted in favor of weaponry for the students of CPA.
1016: President Jer Strong abstains from vote. Motion fails.
1016: Patriotism of Jer Strong called into question.
1017: Philosophical discussion.
1032: Bandages administered. This secretary is rebuked for beating Jer on the side of the head with a drumstick.
1038: Hacking of Constitution is resumed.
1042: Assembly pauses on clause for "closed door meetings".
1043: Dispassionatness of Council Advisor called into question.
1044: Morals of President Jer Strong called into question.
1045: Just why MPC leader Will Matheson is calling these things into question is called into question.
1046: MPC leader Will Matheson is excommunicated.
1048: Former MPC leader Will Matheson makes a judgmental appeal based on his "taking a few creative liberties".
1050: Jer Strong makes comment consisting of "you voted for Shawn, why should I help you".
1055: Philosophical discussion.
1100: Meeting adjourned pending hospital visits.

            - Angela Ritcey


For the benefit of all the knuckleheads who can't figure it out, these minutes are a forgery, a joke. I made them up myself.

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