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A View from the Solarium RETRACTION: Yep, I have Asperger's Syndrome all right! The 'b*****d' at the door was NOT Mr. Whitman.

NOTE: This is simply a carbon copy of an e-mail (minus a few personal bits and the spelling errors) I sent to a few people I knew the night after the dance. The dance itself was too loud, too crowded, too hot, you get the idea...

As the three of you know, I was selling soda in the Solarium for most of last night. But, as time wore on, I had no one to relieve me. Mr. Price had disappeared, and I was handling things alone for at least twenty minutes, during, quite literally, the heat of the dance. My Asperger's Syndrome 'flared up', so to speak due to the immense stimuli, and I ended up losing my ability to *THINK* (this happened once before at school, remember the day I got expelled?) and ended up relying entirely on rote action. Eventually I had the presence of mind to call a teacher in to relieve me, but by then it was too late. I managed to stagger towards the washroom, fix my hair, barely manage a 'hi' to people whose identities I had forgotten, and then stagger back to the gym. I think I may have uttered "I'm going to die!!" on my way in through the corridor, but no one noticed. "Why am I doing this?", I thought. But it was a futile thought, I was bound and determined to act like a normal person BEFORE, regardless of how I felt at the time.

When I first entered the gym, I was overwhelmed again by the amount of stimuli. The music, so many people... I couldn't recognize anyone though!! The only person I recognized was Julie Brownell... and I thought "what was it... she hates me? why? oh my god!" I could barely manage to stand. I saw a few people I thought I knew (In fact I knew them VERY well, such as Devon Day I saw when exiting later) and when one guy said "Hi Will, enjoying the dance?", I couldn't think to say 'hi' back to him! I barely realized he was waving his hand in front of my eyes! I didn't understand why there was so much noise! So I ran out of the gym, through the Solarium, and into the Staff Room, where I collapsed on a couch and began to cry and/or sob uncontrollably. I hardly realized I was crying, there was just this immense trauma I wanted to get away from! Ms. MacKenzie (bless her) found me and took me down to the office. But I couldn't remember my own phone number. What number did you press first? 0? A busy signal!! I was seriously affected by a bloody busy signal!

Eventually I got through, and my mother came to get me. The only real thought I had during that part of the evening was when I was leaving, and I was wondering whether or not I should go outside and wait because there was this unforgiving god-forsaken bastard at the door not letting people back in! The thought occurred like this:

Out... cold... idiot... unforgiving idiot...
Do I know her? Yes, it's Kelly Brien.
<I stare at her, not knowing anything to say, even though the Asperger's Attack is fading.>
It's cold out.
<I put two and two together.>
"You should wear a coat... it's cold outside..."

I expect by now you get the general point here. I used to vent out Asperger Attacks by blowing up at people. I don't have the luxury of doing that anymore. Progress...

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