A Relic?
I'm deeply afraid of becoming a relic. You know, someone who has outlived his usefulness (or entertainment value)?
In the eyes of some of my peers, I represent their high school. According to one, I am a "figure in ex-CPA life*." Charles P. Allen. But I hate CPA! Why do I have to be a symbol for it? I'm better now than I was then!
A symbol. A toy. A novelty item. Entertainment, often at my own expense. Just because I'm different - just because I make waves - just because people thought I was going to blow the place up and kill everybody. Jolly ho.
But then, why should I complain? My (largely undeserved) reputation is almost gone now - the only places in which people will still degrade me to that level are the two high schools of CPA and Lockview, when I'm foolish enough to visit either one. And these people have never even seen me in person before.
About becoming a relic, though. What if CPA is all I represent? These years are falling further and behind myself and them, and with each passing day... I fade! I fade! I fade!
I don't want to be a cliché...
Clichés die young.
So here I am, washed up upon a distant shore, few people out of those who have heard of me able to see me for who I really am. For starters, I've grown up. I've lost weight. I feel a lot happier, a lot more often. I'm more desirable socially.
So, let's say that I'm William Matheson now, and not the Will Matheson I used to be (actually, that's the real case, if only in my own mind - perhaps I shouldn't have registered a domain name with the word 'will' in it...). Let's also say that I could leave every scrap of the infamy behind, and become two separate people in reality. Would I do that?
No, I wouldn't change a thing. Much as I hate my infamy and my public school past, I'd be lost without it. For instance, while I only have a few real friends (like most people), I have hundreds and hundreds of acquaintances. They'll remember me from some class or something, and about 75% of the time I remember them. We'll have a nice chat, they'll ask all kinds of questions, I'll happily answer them, then we'll go our separate ways. Then the next day, it'll happen again with somebody else. And the best part is - I think my star is on the (slow) rise, not the fall. Yeah, I could get used to this. Within reason, though - I don't have any delusions that I'm going to be famous or anything.
Yeah, I realize that those are two different Men Without Hats songs I'm referring to.
* - I've been informed that "figure in ex-CPA life" really means that I am known by people who have gone to CPA, but have moved on to other things. It was a compliment that I misunderstood; but it gave me a springboard for this little rant.