Film Amateura version 2.01

"Film Amateura" by William Matheson and Michael Fox famscrrev.txt Version 2.01 Copyright 2001 William Matheson and Michael Fox - Story by Michael Fox and William Matheson - Script by William Matheson and Michael Fox - Edited by William Matheson DEDICATION (for the good, clean parts of the script): To my grandfather, Harold Matheson. He was a very kind man. SECOND DEDICATION (for the dumb parts, which is most of the script): To all the people who have 'written in' to willmatheson.com with suggestions for improvment - "get me the hell off your website," "under no circumstances are you to link to my site," et al. This script, plus my other works, are available at http://willmatheson.com Please obtain my permission before re-posting this document on your own website. Print-publishing and screen-publishing rights reserved. You can contact William via e-mail at w_matheson@willmatheson.com Michael can be found at http://www.angelfire.com/ns/michaelfox or e-mailed at mfox@willmatheson.com NOTES: FA - This designates that the described scene is actually part of the finished product "Film Amateura;" here, we see what they shot, but not the shooting of it. TELEPLAY: We fade in to see a collage of sepia-toned clips from previous amateur movies. Over this, long-time amateur movie director MICHAEL FOX says a few words: MICHAEL FOX (voice-over) Film Amateura is the name given to a genre of film that in many ways redefines film as we know it. Even the term 'film,' for instance, is irrelevant seeing that Film Amateura films are shot on video. MICHAEL (voice-over) It all began for me with my father, the great Ross Fox, who decided to squander his children's college fund on a brand new, bulky video camera. When I was seven, I made my first movie. I have been doing movies with my friends for over ten years now, and people today ask the question, "Mike, how many movies have you made?" I've made a lot. MICHAEL (voice-over) The major movies are about an hour in length. Some of my notable achievements include "The Hyrulean Adventure," a fantasy epic featuring a very powerful wizard named Rainus and the characters from the Zelda video games. I also made "Cronica," the story of a quest to uncover the Garden of Eden. That's just to name a few. MICHAEL (voice-over) Today, my production company, White Lance Films, is preparing to bring you the greatest adventure ever envisioned to amateur film... The clips fade, and we end up in: INT. - AMATEUR RECORDING STUDIO - DAY DOUGLAS DELL is recording Michael Fox's voice-over as he rolls the video clips. His crew begins to prepare for their next recording. DOUGLAS Ok, cut. MICHAEL How was that? DOUGLAS Not bad. (he pauses, then walks over to his equippment, where he continues talking) You see, I really want to get at the true essence of amateur movies. And you've always been a big part of the amateur movie community, Mr. Fox. MICHAEL Why, thank you. I'm flattered. DOUGLAS This documentary will be like nothing else. The idea that an entire movie can be made with minimal money and no talent at all is fascinating. MICHAEL But let me get our deal straight. You want to follow me around and document the production of my new video in exchange for playing trailers of upcoming releases in it? DOUGLAS You bet. It'll be good advertising, and *everybody* loves to sit through previews! BLANK SCREEN We see a green "THIS PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR ALL AUDIENCES..." screen, then the White Lance films logo as the music rises. In comes the cool TRAILER VOICE. I guess we'll have matching text too. TRAILER VOICE Coming this fall from White Lance Films... INT. JOEY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY We see an image of JOEY CAMPBELL. TRAILER VOICE The sequel you thought you'd never see... INT. JOEY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY JOEY and his CLONE are seated at the kitchen table. (NOTE: This section of the script assumes that Joey is the evil one, but his clone is nice.) CLONE (to JOEY) You know what? We need a girlfriend. JOEY *A* girlfriend? TRAILER VOICE The story that just won't stop... EXT. JOEY'S DRIVEWAY - DAY Joey is standing on the driveway watching the girls go by. He sees CHARLOTTE JEWER walk past. JOEY (voice-over thought) Her! TRAILER VOICE The romance you thought would never happen... INT. JOEY'S BASEMENT - DARKNESS We don't see much in this scene, save for some wild scrambling in relative darkness. Little detail. This clip is rushed. Joey and the clone are trying to stuff Charlotte into some sort of cloning machine, but this is difficult to discern. JOEY Get her in the machine! CHARLOTTE Nooo! TRAILER VOICE The story that almost wrote itself... INT. CLONE'S BEDROOM - DARKNESS Clone (good) and CHARLOTTE'S CLONE (evil) are seated on the bed together; Charlotte's clone in her undergarments and holding a knife to Clone's neck. Clone is shaking with terror, while Charlotte's clone is very calm, sinister, and in complete control of the situation. CHARLOTTE'S CLONE Okay, this has gone on long enough. I'm calling the shots now. You're going to kill - The screen goes blank before we find out who she wants Clone to kill. We see the "I Think I'm A Clone Now 3" logo. TRAILER VOICE I Think I'm A Clone Now 3! We see the film fine print, simultaneous with a music cue: "I Think I'm A Clone Now," by "Weird Al" Yankovic. We just get the line "Isn't it strange..," very briefly. Then we might squeeze in "Part of some geneticist's plan..," before we fade the music. TRAILER VOICE (rushed) Special sneak preview November 16th in Michael Fox's basement. Everything settles down again, and after staring at a blank screen for a few seconds, the White Lance Films logo comes back again, then fades. Text on screen: "On the Sixth Day..." EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY Camera pulls up the leg of a nicely dressed man and then fades. "God created..." Camera pulls up to face revealing SNATCH, probably played by Steve Yorke. (Don't blame me, Mike wrote this part of the script...) "Snatch Vegas" SNATCH (pointing at the camera, gesturing with an index finger) There's only *one* Snatch Vegas baby! "A Michael Fox Film" ... and we see all that other fine print as well. Fade out. Then we are throughly startled by... INT. WRESTLING RING - LION'S DEN Lights blast onto an elevated staging area dressed with a blue wrestling mat. Two combatants are deep into a fight. The crowd surrounding the ring is going mad. VOICE Want REAL wrestling action? Close on a wrestler's face as he growls. VOICE You can only find it in the Junior Wrestling Federation! VOICE The Eliminator! The ELIMINATOR approaches the ring and does a little dance. VOICE The Waffle King Jamie Rae! The WAFFLE KING JAMIE RAE brings out a plate of waffles and grabs the microphone. WAFFLE KING I've got the best recipe in all of the JWF! VOICE T-Man Tingley! T-MAN TINGLEY enters the ring, swinging a COLLAPSABLE CHAIR. VOICE And the one and *only*... Stephen Fox The Blade! STEPHEN FOX THE BLADE enters the ring and beats down on the Eliminator. We take a close-up shot on The Blade. THE BLADE (to the television audience) Don't settle for the commercial, sissy! JWF is where it's at! Only on Eastlink Cable 10, your community access network! TEXT ON SCREEN: Stephen Fox The Blade's Cable 10 Wrestling! VOICE Stephen Fox The Blade's Cable 10 Wrestling: Tuesdays at 6:30pm, only on Eastlink Cable 10; immeadiately following the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints infomercial! Fade out, and in comes the White Lance Films logo yet again, introducing our fourth and final preview. Text on screen: THE SCANDAL THAT ROCKED THE FILM WORLD... INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DARKNESS All the following "interview" clips take place in the same dark, black room. A spotlight shines on the partcipants, as they sit on a chair, face the camera, and tell us their stories. CONNOR MACKENZIE (brightly) The spring of 2000 was a tumultous time for me. I had just lost my part as the Sackville High ambassador in "The Artifact" to Erika Laurie... We fade out again. Text on screen: AND CHANGED THE LIVES OF A FEW ACTORS FOREVER... CHARLOTTE JEWER(brightly) When I finished "The Artifact," I was on this unbelievable emotional high. In between my modelling sessions, this great film was made, with me in it! I also had a new boyfriend, and my ex- was coming back from England so I could flaunt him right in his face! (She saddens.) Life was going great, until... Fade again. Text on screen: SOME WERE JUST TRYING TO GET AHEAD... JONATHAN SAUNDERS (sadly) I thought that this was going to be my big break into the movie business. I hadn't had a lead role in a Michael Fox film since 1998, when we did "Melon Street Money Pit 2." When we didn't make part three, I was really disappointed. When this- (he breaks down in tears) Why, Mike? Whyyyy?! Fade to Craig. CRAIG ANNAND (seriously) "Stalker," in my opinion, was one of the greatest films ever made. But I thought that this particular film had what it takes to top... yes, top even Ryan Cox's masterpiece. I joined the crew with great excitement and great expectations. Text on screen: EVERYTHING WAS GOING FINE... Text on screen to follow underneath: UNTIL... ? - ? - DARKNESS KRISTI, illuminated from the front, is standing and screaming. Tears are streaming down her face. KRISTI (hysterical) If you don't tell me you love me, I'm not letting you use my camera!! (alternate line: "You don't want me at *all!* You just want my *camera* to film your *stupid* movie!") Quick to black. Text on screen: WHY VINNIE CARPONZO HATES TRAINS: THE REAL STORY We see the film fine print. INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DARKNESS We go back to the interview room to talk with MICHAEL FOX. MICHAEL FOX I'm surpised that we finished as much as we did. The train only went by for a few minutes a day. Text on screen: STARTS FRIDAY IN SELECTED LIVING ROOMS Fade out. Alright, now we're ready for the real show. Cue some trumpets. Maybe some graphics would be nice, too. TRAILER VOICE And now... White Lane Films is pleased to bring you... our feature presentation. (da da da *da* da-da-da-da!) Faaaaaadddddeeeee in... (slowly) INT. - DARK ROOM - ? Craig Annand is in the middle of the room, seated and tied to the chair. A goon is positioned behind him, ready to use a whip he carries. Another man paces in front of him calmly. The goon whips Craig across the back. CRAIG (screaming) Ooooowwww!!! Stop! ARMAMOND Stop? Why don't you answer my questions, then? CRAIG I did! ARAMOND When I say 'answer,' I mean 'tell me what I want to hear.' You squandered my investment in last year's amateur movie project! CRAIG I couldn't help it, I- ARAMOND Shut up! I put five thousand of my hard-earned dollars into "Why Vinnie Carponzo Hates Trains" and you *squandered* it. CRAIG I don't know how it went so fast! It was as if there were a hole in my pocket. ARAMOND The only hole, Mr. Annand, was in the hooker that you dumped half of that money on. CRAIG Well... you see, that was- ARAMOND Shut up. Then, you and the hooker stayed at the Sheraton for two weeks, and then you blew the rest at the Casino! CRAIG Aramond, there is a good explanation for all of- ARAMOND Shut up! You could have taken that money and wiped your ass with it! You could have had a party and pranced around throwing it all over the place while you bathed in Perrier! I wouldn't have given a damn! The only thing that aggravates me is that the *movie* I gave you the money to make wasn't completed! That's four thousand of my- CRAIG Five. ARAMOND Five? ... I told you to shut up! Aramond signals the goon. The goon bitch-whips Craig. Craig screams. ARAMOND So that's the five thousand, plus interest, plus the premiere of an amateur movie of at least 50 minutes in length. How do you intend to repay me, Mr. Annand? You have no money... (he signals a few other goons to approach - they will literally tear Craig apart) CRAIG (fearful, desparate) Uh, wait, wait! I have something else! It's a new screenplay! A masterpiece! ARAMOND (signalling the goons to stop) Go on. CRAIG A new screenplay by William Matheson! ARAMOND (to the main goon, without hesitation) Castrate him! CRAIG No, wait! Fox is getting his hands on it! ARAMOND (again signalling a halt) *Fox* is interested? It must be good, then. CRAIG Will wants Fox to direct it. But if I can get to Will first, I'll make him deal! ARAMOND You'd better. If Fox makes the picture, it's over for you. What's it about, anyway? CRAIG I - I don't know. A fantasy adventure of some kind. ARAMOND (motioning the goons to release Craig) Well, don't screw this one up, Annand. If you fail, you're finished... and we'll be watching you very closely. Fade out. INT. MIKE'S CAR - NARROW STREETS OF BEDFORD - DAY MICHAEL FOX is driving; COREY STRONG is in the passenger seat to his right. They are driving through the peaceful town of Bedford, Nova Scotia. MICHAEL So what's this new script you have to show me? COREY I managed to snatch a copy of it during an amateur movie wrap party. Apparently Will Matheson has already had some high bids on it. He's already received 3 calls, but Will says he's going with Fox or nothing. (script editor's note: As *if*! I think he's *lying!*) MICHAEL (glancing at script while driving, frowning over the pages) I'm... flattered. COREY He says you're the only one who can bring Zachary and Jessica to life on the screen! *I* would think most of our movies turn out to be shit. I don't know why he wants you so bad. MICHAEL Is it as good as "The Artifact?" COREY "The Artifact" wasn't a movie. It was just shit. MICHAEL I'll think about it. Fade. INT. WHITE LANCE CENTRAL - DAY The documentary film crew is following Michael as he leads them on a tour of his editng studio. MICHAEL This is where the amateur movies were put together before the revolution of digital editing. (he pauses, then points to two VCRs) These are Ross Fox's legendary Hi-Fi VCRs that edit the crap out of any movie. I'll still use them for some stuff. Many frustrating hours went into these machines, and a whole lot of curse words were shouted before their once virgin ears. You can basicly say anything you want in front of these puppies, cause they've heard it all before. DOUGLAS (amused, jokingly) Fuck! MICHAEL (scoldingly) Lauguage! Please! The telephone rings, and Michael answers it. MICHAEL (on the telephone) Hello? ... Craig Annand! Yo! How's it goin? Long time, no chat. ... ... ... Yeah, we can talk. ... ... The café in ten minutes? Sure, I'll be there. ... Yeah, later! (he hangs up) MICHAEL (to camera) What you have just witnessed is an actual telephone conversation between Michael Fox and legendary amateur movie producer Craig Annand. You'll be the envy of your friends. INT. - CAFÉ PETER - DAY We are now in the café mentioned in the phone conversation. Michael Fox is seated across from Craig Annand at a table by the storefront window. CRAIG I'm in deep trouble, Mike. MICHAEL What's the matter? CRAIG It's Aramond. I've gotta have a picture by the end of the month, or I'm dead. MICHAEL Craig, I don't understand why you make deals with these criminals. I feel so violated whenever I make a movie with you, knowing where the money comes from. CRAIG Please! I need the new Will Matheson screenplay! MICHAEL Is this how you do business, Craig? I'm surprised you're still alive. CRAIG Now is not the time to argue! MICHAEL Okay, Craig. Let's say you *did* have the script. You wouldn't know what to do with it! It's a weird piece of work; I've never read anything like it. But... why don't you sit in the executive producer's chair of Film Amateura? CRAIG (hopeful) You'll direct? MICHAEL I'm still thinking about it. CRAIG Please, Mike! I need your help! This movie *has* to be done! MICHAEL I *saaaid* I'll *think* about it! INT. MIKE'S CAR - BASINVIEW (Michael's neighborhood) - DAY Michael is now driving around Basinview with Corey again. COREY I don't know about this Craig Annand thing. Mike, you can't be a nice guy in this business and expect to succeed. MICHAEL He's worked with me tons of times. It'll be okay. COREY So who else do we need to make the movie? MICHAEL I'll get to work on organizing a crew, but I've got some things figured out already. I'll be the director, the cameraperson, and the editor, and I've got Craig to executive produce, as you know. We'll also get Chris Spencer to do the effects since he's still single. You'll be involved... so all we need now are some technical crew and a few actors. COREY How 'bout we run around CPA and cast from the bottom of the barrel like you did for "The Artifact?" MICHAEL Nah, I want this to be a quality film. I'll get my friends to play all the parts. Fade out. MICHAEL (voice-over, on a blank transitory screen) I hate making movies. This is last one, I swear! Text on screen: "WHITE LANCE FILMS PRESENTS" "A MICHAEL FOX FILM" "FILM AMATEURA" Fade in... INT. JESSICA'S HOME - SALEEN VILLAGE - DAY - FA Now we are watching a scene from the actual "Film Amateura." We're inside one of the HOUSES. There is no sign that this is actually a film within a film. There are many people inside the room - all VILLAGERS in a VILLAGE taken out of some legendary adventure story. You know, it would be really nice if we could shoot this part of the movie on the "Lillian True" sets. There is a girl resting on a SMALL BED in a corner, she is JESSICA, and she has taken ill to some sort of ailment. The villagers huddled in the room include an ELDER; ZACHARY (a kid who likes Jessica); and a whole bunch of other EXTRAS whose stories aren't important to me at the moment. Zachary is as far away from Jessica as he can get, but sill in the crowd; the Elder stands very close to Jessica's bedside. ELDER It has been many years since I have seen someone afflicted with this disease in our village. VILLAGE PEOPLE #1 ("In the navy...") You mean you know what it is? This has happened before? ELDER Yes. (pauses) It was almost three score ago. I was but a child, when my eldest cousin took ill to a mysterious ailment. Only now do I recognize that this must be the same thing, for they share exactly the same symptoms. Jessica here sleeps nearly all the time, and she cannot eat. She also has a high fever and she groans when she wakes - just like poor Gwendolyn. VILLAGE PEOPLE #2 ("It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A...") Are you certain that she's not sporting with us? ELDER Not entirely, but her condition bears such remarkable resemblance to Gwendolyn's that I doubt that she is simply trying to fool us. ZACHARY (speaking up, though hesitant) What happened to Gwendolyn? ELDER (surprised) Eh? What's that, boy? ZACHARY (approaches the Elder) What happened to Gwendolyn? ELDER Gwendolyn? (saddens) Oh, the poor girl; she died, son. Gone - in three days. The crowd gasps. VILLAGE PEOPLE #3 ("Protect the Motherland!") Isn't there anything you can do? ELDER I am not sure. I will have to go over my books; and perhaps talk with the Elder of West Point. With this, the Elder leaves the house, followed by the other villagers. Zachary hesitantly follows, but pauses in the doorway to take one long, last, ligering look at his love. Then he leaves as well. We follow him outside to find... EXT. SALEEN VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY "Film Amateura" is no longer in progress, and most of the ACTORS are sitting around talking, and Jessica comes out of the building to join them. We can see the CAMERAS and TECHNICAL ASSISTANTS about, as well as Michael and Corey near the FOUNTAIN / STATUE THING in the middle of the SQUARE, looking over the script. MICHAEL Alright, let's check up on our crew. (looks across the square) Hey! Sound! We see SOUND relaxing on a COLLAPSABLE LAWN CHAIR far away, wearing HEADPHONES. LONG WIRES lead from the MICROPHONES and cameras over to the front of his chair. He barely realizes that Mike is shouting for his attention. MICHAEL How are we doing for sound? Are you getting everything? The sound guy just nods. MICHAEL Yeah? Okay. (he goes back to William again) Now here's what I want to see here... We cut to another shot. JENNIFER ALLEN, the art director, is touching up the actor's costumes. JOEY CAMPBELL (the guy from the I Think I'm a Clone Now movies) walks up to her. JOEY (pointing at something among the costumes) Get that... *thing* under there. It looks better on camera. JENNIFER Uh, excuse me? Who the hell are you? JOEY I'm Joey Campbell, the director of photography! Who the fuck are you? JENNIFER I'm Jennifer, the flaming art director! Now piss off! MICHAEL (faintly, from a distance, off-camera) Uh, can the Art Department and Cinematography please learn to work together? Let's show a little professionalism. JOEY (ignoring Mike) Let's get one thing straight. This is *my* show. You can call me the Director of Joe-tography or the D-Joe-P; just don't call me when I'm taking a shower cause I won't answer. JENNIFER Well, I'm the fucking Art Chick, and I've got an attitude, and I know how to *use* your dickless ass. Without me, you've got nothing to shoot, so you'd better start showing me the proper respect. You can call me Jen, you can call me Jade. Just *don't* call me your little baby, or I'll crush your so-called manhood. We leave them to cut to another shot: a side-view close-up shot of the sound guy sitting in his lawn chair. We see the wires leading up to his chair, but his headphones are not plugged into any of them. Then we see him lay back and reach into his pocket, revealing a PORTABLE CASSETTE PLAYER, and that his headphones are plugged into it. He rotates the volume knob to a louder setting, then leans back in the chair and closes his eyes. He has no intention of doing his job. We cut back to Corey and Mike. COREY Okay. Time for the big 'confession of love' daydream scene? MICHAEL Yeah, I want it up there. (he points up a TREELESS, GRASSY SLOPE) COREY Fifty feet away? MICHAEL Yeah, fifty feet. Perfect. (louder) Okay, quiet on the set! I need Zack and Jessica up on top of that hill! (looks around) Sound? (We look at Sound; Sound does not flinch) Sound!! SOUND (removing headphones) Wha? Huh? MICHAEL Get over here by the camera! We need to take care of this wind situation! SOUND Oh, yeah! Okay. Sound slowly gets up and saunters over beside the MAIN CAMERA where Mike and Corey are standing. MICHAEL Alright, quiet everyone! Looking from behind the camera, we now see Zachary and Jessica are in position up the hill. Zack is to the right, and Jessica to the left, but with her back turned towards him. MICHAEL Ready? Okay! (he pushes a button and flips out the LCD VIEWFINDER) Camera on! Sound? As if on a cue, Sound leans toward the camera and begins making wind noises into the microphone. MICHAEL And... action! Several things happen at once, from our view behind the camera. First, every person on the set seems to begin talking quietly even as Zack and Jessica exchange words, looking really small and quiet in both the viewfinder and our 'real' view (see the scene after next for their specific movements). The wind noises are being blown into the camera. Then we cut to the scene "footage" in progress: EXT. SALEEN VILLAGE HILLSIDE - DAY - FA Zack and Jessica are speaking on the hill, and they look very small to our view since the camera obviously hasn't been zoomed in any. We can't hear a word that they're saying over the din of the wind and the 'cooperative' cast and crew. After a second or two, Zachary reaches an arm out to touch Jessica, then she turns her back to him, then he walks away. After that: JENNIFER (loud, off-camera, recorded) Oh, *really,* dickwad?! Take *this!* JOEY (loud, off-camera, recorded) OWWWWWW!! Auggghhh!! You *bitch*! I'll *get* you! You'll never work in film again! MICHAEL (off-camera, recorded) What's wrong?! JOEY (loud, off-camera, recorded) Your stupid art director kicked me in the nuts!! MICHAEL (off-camera, recorded) Just quiet down, Joey. After about another second of the video feed, we fade out. EXT. SALEEN VILLAGE HILLTOP - DAY This scene is from a reverse angle, at the top of the hill looking down upon the rabble below. Zachary is to the right, and Jessica to the left, her back turned towards him. Neither is looking very happy. Note that this scene isn't of the "Film Amateura" as the last scene was; this is just another way for us to see the dialouge between Zachary and Jessica. MICHAEL (very faint) And... Action! ZACHARY Hello, Jessica. JESSICA (distantly) Hello. ZACHARY Um... I like your dress. JESSICA (turns to face him, almost angry) What's that supposed to mean? ZACHARY I don't know! It just felt like something I'd say to you! I really mean it though! JESSICA Yeah, you and half the other guys in the village. Why are you coming out of the woodwork all of a sudden? At this moment, we switch to our original viewing direction, but of course we are a *lot* closer to the action. ZACHARY Uh - I - I - I - I like you! JESSICA Oh, well that's just great. You harbor your secret affections for me for years, but wait until I'm going to die in three days before you say anything. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were attempting to violate me while I'm unconsicous. (brutally) You're really wonderful, Zack. ZACHARY But - but Jessica, I thought- JESSICA Yes Zachary, I liked you too - once. (darkly) But I gave up on you a long time ago. ZACHARY (reaching out an arm to her) Jessica! JESSICA (turns her back to him again, then speaks with coldness) Leave me alone, Zachary. Unless you plan to save my life, we have nothing more to talk about. Zachary then slumps his shoulders and starts to walk away slowly. JESSICA (to herself, quietly) Maybe now you'll know what it's like to be told to leave you alone. JENNIFER (very faint) Oh, *really,* dickwad?! Take *this!* JOEY (very faint) OWWWWWW!! Auggghhh!! You *bitch*! I'll *get* you! You'll never work in film again! MICHAEL (very faint) What's wrong?! JOEY (very faint) Your stupid art director kicked me in the nuts!! MICHAEL (very faint) Just quiet down, Joey. JESSICA (to herself, quietly) I wish he wouldn't give up so damn easily. If he continues to behave like that, he'll never save me. Zachary sort of hears Jessica's two comments and he scampers back to her. ZACHARY I will save you, Jessica! I will! JESSICA (half-turning, succintly) Then prove it. Fade out. INT. ELDER'S HOME - SALEEN VILLAGE - NIGHT - FA It's dark outside, and the crickets are chirping. Zachary walks inside the door of the ELDER'S CANDLELIT HOME. He knocks quietly on the DOORFRAME. ELDER (from his DESK where he is working) Come in. Zachary comes in, and walks toward the Elder's desk and MINI-LIBRARY. ELDER Oh, it's you, Zachary, my boy. What brings you here tonight? ZACHARY I was wondering if you had found a cure for Jessica's ailment in your books yet. ELDER Oh, Jessica? (saddens) Oh, no, no, my boy. There is no cure for her disease at all that I can find, at least not here and now. ZACHARY What? Isn't there anything you can do for her? ELDER I'm afraid not. However, my colleauge in West Point has sent me this. The Elder takes a SHEET OF PAPER off the top of his desk and shows it to Zachary. On it is drawn a MENACING, YET BEAUTIFUL SNAKE; coloured black with some faint red lines added in. The drawing is labelled "Rose Viper." There is some EXPLANATORY TEXT in two columns below, which William will type up at a later date if necessary. ZACHARY A Rose Viper? What's that? ELDER It is the rarest species of snake on this continent. Extremely intelligent and long-lived - they are said to live for a hundred years or more. I myself have never seen one; nor has anyone I know, so that rules out getting an antivenin prepared, because we need the original venom of an actual Rose Viper. ZACHARY Can't we find a Rose Viper, even if they are rare? ELDER I doubt it. They are only sighted every few decades. Jessica must have taken a bite while she was tending the garden. Check her left wrist the next time you see her - it says here that they always go for the left wrist. In fact, there's lots of strange things about this snake: They have only been known to bite human females who have not yet borne children. A Rose Viper was captured one hundred and ten years ago in Celena - but as soon as the man *with* the brave woman who caught it touched it himself, it withered and died on the spot. And of course, the bite victim inevitably dies after three days, but there is a persistent legend that these women do not suffer at all during that time; that they have a dream where they - (he coughs loudly, then decides not to finish the sentence) Some of the religions in the Outer Islands regard the Rose Viper as a deliverance for mistreated women. ZACHARY Mistreated? What have I ever done to Jessica? ELDER Pardon me, lad, but I don't seem to recall you ever having done anything towards her. You've just answered your own question. ZACHARY (head in hands) Oh no... ELDER I wouldn't worry about her at all, Zachary. Though I have no proof, and I've never been one to put a lot of stock in legends - she's probably having the ti- well, it's out of your hands, child. Let her go. ZACHARY No! I'm not letting her go for anything! I'm not going to hesitate any more! ELDER Brave words. What do you intend to do to help her? ZACHARY I - uh - well, I'll... well, what should I do, sir? ELDER (sadly) I don't have any conventional solutions for you, Zachary. (he switches to a neutral tone of voice, and gets up to take a BOOK down off one of his BOOKSHELVES) In fact, what I was going to do was send someone to find and utilize... (he flips pages while looking through the book, then he finds a PAGE) this. The Elder shows Zachary the page, which has a PENCIL DRAWING of a large, irregularly-shaped pool of water surrounded by trees. Underneath the drawing is the EXPLANATORY TEXT entitled "The Forest Pond Gateway." ZACHARY A gateway? Where does it lead? ELDER I do not know. This particular gate lies a hundred kilometres to the northeast of here, near a place called the Northern Village. The journey there is difficult, and very few have attempted it in the last few decades because no one has ever actually come *out* of the gateway; people only go in, and they don't come back. And no one ever goes up the coast that far for any other reason - it's a scary place, most say. ZACHARY Then, why- ELDER I wasn't actually going to tell you about this, you know. I was thinking, perhaps, of sending her father... (he smiles) Ah well, you'd almost be more enthused. How would you like a head start? Keep in mind now, I have absolutely no idea what lies beyond that gate, or how you'll be able to get back, if it's even possible. I'm just seeing that you're about to lose your true love to the Rose Viper Dream, and that you have nothing more to lose. ZACHARY (with determination) I'll do it. I'll go. ELDER Then you'd best leave tonight so that you can get out ahead of any other villagers that might try to follow you or stop you. ZACHARY Okay. ELDER (moving towards a 'closet') I think I'll loan you a few things that might help you. (opens door, takes up COMPASS and MAP) Here's a compass, and a map (he gives them to Zachary). Remember, you're going northeast. (Zachary nods, then the Elder reaches for a TINDER BOX.) That's in case you need to see something in the dark, but be cautious, for there is precious little tinder (he gives Zachary the tinder box). And here... (he grabs a SMALL PACK) you'll need a pack to put all this stuff into. (he gives Zachary the pack, Zack puts his new things in it and sligs the pack over his back, then the Elder takes a deep breath) Okay, I guess all you'll need now is your wits. Good luck. ZACHARY Aren't you going to give me a sword? ELDER (closing the door) I own no swords, boy! I am a man of the letters and numbers! I need no sword! (firmly) And neither should you, if you're smart enough. ZACHARY (sighing) Yes, sir. Well, I guess I'll be off then. With that, Zachary waves 'goodbye' and walks out the door into the cold night air. The Elder calls out behind him: ELDER (calling) Good luck, my boy! I'll try and stall the other villagers as long as I can! Cut to an outside shot: EXT. SALEEN VILLAGE SQUARE - NIGHT - FA This is just a short scene of Zachary walking through the village. The only LIT WINDOWS are in the Elder's house that Zachary just left. He is trying to sneak towards Jessica's house without being caught. He furtively reaches the DOORFRAME, then tiptoes inside. Cut inside. INT. JESSICA'S HOME - SALEEN VILLAGE - NIGHT - FA Zachary walks inside and tries to make his way in the dark through to Jessica's bed without waking anybody up. He quietly reaches out and touches Jessica's left arm, then softly and gently turns it over to see the inside of her left wrist. He quickly notices TWO BLOOD-RED DOTS next to each other on her beautiful skin. Zachary is at the same time saddened and determined, but before he leaves, he also notices JESSICA'S HAIRPIN laying on a TINY BEDSIDE TABLE. He looks at it for a moment, looks around the room, then gently places the hairpin in his pack. After another brief pause, he walks out of the house. Fade. EXT. SALEEN VILLAGE SQUARE - NIGHT - FA Zachary emerges from HIS OWN HOME, differentiated from Jessica's house by a CRUDE SIGN next to the DOORFRAME that says "Zack's Shack." He is carrying a SMALL BAG containing SILVER COINS. He stops outside his window to put the bag inside his pack. ZACHARY (voice-over) Now to get out of here. Zachary walks away from the village and towards the nearby TREELINE, then into the WOODS. Our position remains inside the village as we see him disappear into the night. Fade out. EXT. FOREST - NIGHT, THEN DAY - FA Cue music: "Field To Tomorrow" by Isao Mizoguchi This scene is a long (2:39 - about the length of the song, really) montage of clips featuring Zachary journeying through the forests. The first bunch of clips are during the night, then there are some pre-dawn clips, then dawn, then morning, then mid-morning, etc.. The montage ends in the late afternoon. Try to vary the types of trees a bit - ie: have him hike through some birch trees, then pine, then spruce, then maple, etc.. Basically, make it look like he's covering some distance. The way this works is that Zachary starts out with a lot of energy, going as fast as he can. But soon, he looks quite tired and slows down quite a bit, stumbling often. Going into the afternoon clips, he is suddenly carrying a fine-looking STAFF and wearing an ARMLET (this as opposed to a sword/shield combo). Finally, in the last late afternoon clip, he collapses to the ground. Fade out, and fade the music. EXT. FOREST - LATE AFTERNOON - FA Zachary is sound asleep on the forest floor, not stirring. He is quietly approached by a MYSTERIOUS FIGURE in STRANGE CLOTHING, who eventually works up enough courage to poke at him with a SMALL STICK. ZACHARY (murmuring) Zzzzzzz... wha? MYSTERIOUS FIGURE Oh! You're alive! ZACHARY (distantly, tired) ugh... Jessica... Rose Viper... dream... portal... MYSTERIOUS FIGURE A Rose Viper? We haven't seen a Rose Viper around here for a hundred years! ZACHARY (waking up, sitting up to face his mysterious visitor) No... no, not around here. Back in Saleen. *My* home. MYSTERIOUS FIGURE Saleen? That's a few days hard travel from here. ZACHARY Why? Where am I now? MYSTERIOUS FIGURE You're just outside Northern Village. ZACHARY Northern Village! (he quickly gets on his feet) Then I'm almost there! I can do it! One day to find a cure, and the next day to make the trip back to Saleen! I can- (he tries to move, then collapses to the ground) ... I am... so... very tired. MYSTERIOUS FIGURE I think I can help you with that. Come with me. ZACHARY (tired) Thank... you... Zachary stands up with the assistance of his new friend. Together, they stumble over a rise, and the NORTHERN VILLAGE comes into view. EXT. NORTHERN VILLAGE FOREST EDGE - LATE AFTERNOON - FA Cue music for the rest of the Northern Village segueway: "Gypsy Heart [Jean's Theme]" by Isao Mizoguchi. About 1:36 into the track (2:48 remaning), the music stops, then resumes again as a different tune. What I'd like to see is this: Run the first 1:36 now, and then the last 2:38 when I put in the next music cue. We are following Zachary and the new guy into Northern Village, which is a much larger settlement than Saleen, but more isolated. The numerous EXTRAS around the many HOUSES are dressed in FAIRLY ODD, BUT STILL FUNCTIONAL CLOTHING. Zack and the kid work their way through the SQUARE and eventually reach the ELDER'S HOUSE. The kid knocks on the DOORFRAME. ELDER (voice, cheerfully) Come in! INT. ELDER'S HOUSE - NORTHERN VILLAGE - LATE AFTERNOON - FA Now we're on the inside of the house looking out. Zack and the kid walk into the GRAYISH LARGE ROOM (that's all these houses are, really; just one big room). The ELDER, a slightly younger man than the guy in Saleen Village, rushes up to greet his visitors. ELDER (enthusiastically) Jeremy! You've brought a friend with you this time! What's his name? Still holding onto Jeremy, Zachary looks faintly at the Elder, then mouths: ZACHARY (barely audible) Zachary... ELDER (concerned) He doesn't look very well. JEREMY He isn't, father. I think he's overtired. He walked all the way up here from Saleen. ELDER (surprised) You're kidding! Oh, well take him to my spare cot there in the corner (he points at said SPARE COT). What he needs is a good day's sleep. ZACHARY (faintly, half-asleep) Nooo... ELDER You look like a man in need of sleep, son. Why don't you want to have a snooze here in my house? It's cheaper than the inn! ZACHARY (trying to be more coherent) No... thank you, sir, but it's not that... My... uh, I mean, this girl in my village was bitten by a Rose Viper, and- ELDER A Rose Viper! That's beyond my expertise! I can't help you, son. ZACHARY (sighing) No, the elder back home told me that noone had any antivenin or knew the cure. What I'd... (he nearly collapses again) ... like to do is go through the Forest Pond Gateway- Jeremy and the Elder both gasp in disbelief. ELDER Don't tell me your Elder suggested such an absurdity! ZACHARY Well, it's my only hope, and I have nothing to lose. ELDER (resignedly) Well... I guess I should help you, shouldn't I? (turns to Jeremy) Jeremy, go to the cupboard and fetch me the awakening powder, will you? While Jeremy goes across the room to the CUPBOARD for the SMALL CONTAINER OF AWAKENING POWDER, Zachary perks up visibly at the prospect of an "Awakening Powder." Jeremy soon comes back with the powder. ELDER Ah! This is what you need, since you're probably running out of time. (he scoops up a handful of the powder in his HAND, then slips it into Zachary's open MOUTH. Zachary then appears quite alert, awake, and refreshed.) Now I should tell you something: This powder will keep you wide awake until the very *moment* you lie down and close your eyes. As soon as you do that, you'll sleep for a night, a day, and then another night. ZACHARY Wow. ELDER Yes, and you shouldn't stay awake any longer than you have to. This powder is useful beyond measure, but it is also dangerous. The most important thing to remember is that sooner or later you'll have to decide to go to sleep yourself. Otherwise, you'll simply stay awake and all freshened up like you just got out of bed until the moment you keel over and die. (Zachary gulps. The Elder then turns to Jeremy.) Here. (he gives Jeremy a mouthful as well) If you're going with him, you'd better take some too. JEREMY Thank you! ELDER Now I suppose you want to go to the Forest Gateway, correct? Zachary nods. ELDER Well, the problem is - as I'm sure your elder would have told you if he knew - that this portal isn't just in the woods here. It's actually at the end of Abel's Cape. ZACHARY Well, that doesn't sound so bad. ELDER No, that's the easy part, because first you have to cross the north bridge of the Garrison Tower to get to the small island where Abel's Cape and the portal are. ZACHARY Well, how big is the tower? ELDER It's not *big* so much as that it's designed so you have to go all the way up to the top from the south entrance and all the way back down again just to get out on the bridge. ZACHARY Oh, no... Well, it doesn't sound as bad as the trip it took to get here. How far away is the tower and the bridge? ELDER Just a few kilometres northwest of here. ZACHARY (turning to leave, looking at Jeremy) Great, then; let's go. ELDER But you need the Ameythyst Key to get into the tower. ZACHARY And where's the key? ELDER (thinks) Umm... I *think* it's in the Jerome Hills, in a cave. ZACHARY Ergghh... Where are the Jerome Hills? ELDER They're just west of here, actually. Just follow the paths through the grasslands. ZACHARY Great... but I'm almost afraid to ask... ELDER Yeah, there are a few traps and mazes guarding the key. ZACHARY Oh, crap. ELDER (brightening) But you're in luck, because I broke through them myself when I was a boy. Okay, time to fire up the last 2:48 of "Gypsy Heart." Meanwhile, Zachary's jaw drops in disbelief while the Elder loosens his SHIRT COLLAR a little, revealing a LEATHER NECKLACE with the AMETHYST KEY. (A short note to Mike: Amethyst is *purple*.) He disconnects the key and hands it to Zachary. ELDER I've actually been to the pond a couple of times, but I knew better than to try and go through it. ZACHARY (enthused) Wow... Thank you, sir. I'm starting to think I might be able to find a cure for Jessica! Then she'll *like* me and everything will be great! Both the Elder and Jeremy stare wide-eyed at Zachary. ZACHARY (nervous) Uh - that is, I mean... Jessica will *love* me even *more*. The Elder and Jeremy are somewhat reassured by this restatement, and then the Elder speaks. ELDER Yes, of course. But remember, no one has ever come back from wherever the portal leads! And there's no assurance that you'll be able to find a cure. Just don't get your hopes up. ZACHARY Of course not. But I've got to go through with this. ELDER Good. The Elder looks Jeremy and Zachary over, noticing that Zachary is well-equipped with a staff and armlet while Jeremy has no fighting equippment whatsoever. ELDER (to Jeremy) You know, if you're going to go with him you'll need a weapon. JEREMY Thanks, but- The Elder goes back to a CLOSET, and fetches a SHORT SWORD and SHIELD, and gives them to Jeremy. ELDER Here, you can use mine. JEREMY (equipping the items) Thank you, father. ELDER Well, I guess you'd best be off. No doubt you'll encounter a few... *surprises*... along the way. (he winks at Zack and Jeremy, and grins knowingly) Have fun. ZACHARY (as he and Jeremy exit) Bye! And thanks for everything! ELDER (waving slightly) My pleasure. Goodbye. Zachary and Jeremy leave to the village. EXT. NORTHERN VILLAGE SQUARE - LATE AFTERNOON - FA Zachary and Jeremy hike through the rest of the village until "Gypsy Heart [Jean's Theme]" finally expires... they walk into the WOODS at the northwest end of the village as the music dies down. Fade out. EXT. GARRISON TOWER BASE - EARLY EVENING - FA Zachary and Jeremy emerge from the woods and find themselves at the base of a SMALL FIVE-STOREY STONE TOWER. Beyond the tower lies the CLIFFS and the SEA, and they can see a little bit of a small ISLAND in the nearby sea, surrounded by SANDSTONE CLIFFS. The bridge to that island is out of sight at the moment, behind the tower. Zachary and Jeremy timidly approach the tower, soon coming to the LARGE DOUBLE WOODEN DOORS. Zachary inserts the Amethyst Key in the KEYHOLE; a creak is heard, then Zachary tries the door, which swings open. Zachary and Jeremy enter the dark stony gloom inside. INT. GARRISON TOWER - EARLY EVENING - FA Cue music: "Growing Fear" by Isao Mizoguchi Zachary and Jeremy look up the STONE STAIRS and, being cautious folks, they ready their weapons. Zachary takes the inititave and starts up the stairs, followed closely by Jeremy. They pass through the SECOND and THIRD FLOORS without incident, perhaps, though pausing to look out the small windows at the landings to see the cliffs and the sea. At the top of the stairs to the FOURTH floor, though, there is a WOODEN HATCH impeding further progress. When Zachary reaches the hatch, the music dies off. Zachary tries to push it up, but the hatch does not budge. JEREMY Maybe it's locked. ZACHARY Perhaps... Zachary pokes around the hatch's surface in the faint light, looking for something like a latch or a lock. He finds the LOCK, which is a simple keyhole beside the LATCH. ZACHARY I think I have something in my pack to help me deal with this. Hold on a moment. Zachary unslings his pack, then searches inside it. After a moment, he finds Jessica's hairpin. He then starts to fiddle with the lock using the hairpin. Jeremy stands behind him, somewhat curious. He decides that this is a good time to ask Zachary some questions. JEREMY Zachary, can I ask you something? ZACHARY (busy with the lock, but still interested in talking) Shoot. JEREMY Where'd you get that staff and armlet? ZACHARY (pausing) These? (resumes work) I bought them in Salyent, a village about halfway between mine and yours. JEREMY Oh. They're quite nice. ZACHARY Thank you. JEREMY What's that you're using on the lock? ZACHARY It's Jes- my girlfriends hairpin. She, uh... gave it to me for good luck on this trip. JEREMY. Wow, that was thoughtful of her. ZACHARY (sighing) Yeah, wasn't it? <sigh> JEREMY (confessing) There's this girl in my village who I've always liked, but I haven't been able to talk to her much. I used to play with her and her friends, but then the other kids started making fun of me. ZACHARY Hmm... Well, I couldn't recommend not talking to her. You never know when something might happen that will jeapordize any hope of a relationship. JEREMY Yeah! Yeah, when I get back, I'm going to be like you, Zachary. I'm going to hang around with Jean and her friends as soon as I get back! ZACHARY (voice-over) Don't you think it might be too late? You're probably too old to play your childhood games now. Oh well, at he's on the right track. I just hope that girl's friends don't drive him away... He continues to mess around with the lock, and eventually a loud click is heard. He pushes up the hatch, and it is seen and heard to crash against the FLOOR of the FOURTH LEVEL, and the music picks up again as he does this. Zachary replaces the hairpin, then climbs up through the hatch, and we switch to a view on the fourth floor. Zachary bends down and reaches an arm out to Jeremy; we see Jeremy's hand clasp Zachary's, and up he comes. Now that they're both standing in the dim WINDOW light of the fourth floor, they climb the stairs to the FIFTH. JEREMY You think there might be something up there? ZACHARY (shuddering) I sincerely hope not. They quickly reach the fifth floor, which also has but one WINDOW, but another SET OF STAIRS going back down. ZACHARY (stepping forward) That must lead to the bridge. The music stops, dead. DISEMBODIED VOICE (really deep) Not so fast. Zachary and Jeremy are very startled. ZACHARY Who's there? DISEMBODIED VOICE (really deep) It's meeeeee, Zachary. Your 'girlfriend', Jessica. ZACHARY You're not Jessica! DISEMBODIED VOICE (normal - sort of Kelsey Grammar-ish) Of *course* I'm not Jessica, you idiot! But you've never had a girlfriend either! Jeremy gasps. ZACHARY Yes, Jeremy - I lied to you about how Jessica was my girlfriend. I still love her, though! I just was afraid you'd think I was an obsessed lunatic or something. JEREMY Well... uh, don't worry about it. I've exaggerated my 'relationship' with Jean from time to time. DISEMBODIED VOICE Yes. It's bad enough that you stupid travellers have to keep tromping up and down through me, but you also have the gall to tell bold-faced lies within my walls! I don't appreciate that, Zachary. This tower is to be a beacon of *truth*! ZACHARY I'm sorry. TOWER Well, you'll be even sorrier once I get finished with you! ZACHARY (quietly and succintly, to Jeremy) Uh, run. Cue music: "Go! Go! Go!" by Isao Mizoguchi Zachary and Jeremy take off down the other set of stairs as fast as they can. They pass through the fourth floor, then the third. While they run: TOWER (very loudly) Ha ha ha!! How would you like to stay in here for a few years so I can teach you some decent behaviour! First, we'll start with rule number one: No lies!! ZACHARY (while running) I'm sorry, already!! TOWER (very loudly) What's the hurry? We have much to discuss, young one! ZACHARY (while running) My g- Jessica! She's going to die in two days! She was bitten by a Rose Viper! TOWER (very loudly) That's unfortunate. That almost makes me want to let you escape. Zachary and Jeremy are at the first floor now, and headed for the BACK DOORS, which are seen to be slowly closing. Zachary and Jeremy make a last ditch effort to pick up their speed, and they leap outside onto the STONE BRIDGE OVER THE SEA as the door closes behind them. EXT. BRIDGE OVER THE SEA - SUNSET - FA The music stops. Zachary and Jeremy roll out onto the bridge, the doors closing just behind them. JEREMY (relieved) Whew! We made it! TOWER (indignant) Aw, c'mon! I *let* you get out! ZACHARY Um, let's just get out of here. Zachary and Jeremy pick themselves up and start to cross the beautiful stone bridge over the quietly churning sea. We can see the island they're headed to in the distance, and also the BEAUTIFUL SUNSET. ZACHARY That must have been one of the 'surprises' your father warned us about. JEREMY No doubt. They continue across the bridge, eventually reaching the island. The island is edged by sandstone cliffs, and covered with SPRUCE TREES and a few PATHS. I'm thinking of the cliffside path leading up to the real-life Abell's Cape (note the second 'l') - in Fortune, Prince Edward Island. I can't think of any metro-Halifax subsitute for such seaside wooded splendor and mystery, but I guess we'll have to make do. (Someday, I'll have to do a Prince Edward Island movie - that would just be too cool!) Anyway, the boys pick a path arbitarily and set out on it. ZACHARY (heading down said path) I guess this path is as good as any other. Cue music: "Field to Tomorrow" by Isao Mizoguchi (hey, it's our journeying theme!) Cut to a new scene. EXT. ABEL'S CAPE - SUNSET - FA Zachary and Jeremy are now walking quite close to the cliffs. We see them from many viewpoints, including below and behind and in front of them. They occaisionally have to part a BRANCH or two, but the path is reasonably clear, and they make good progress. At times, the path they are on comes to a sudden end where the CLIFFSIDE has completely fell away; in these cases, they backtrack a few steps and take another, inner, path. Oh yeah - BE CAREFUL, EVERYONE!! I don't want to have to dedicate this script to someone's memory, if you know what I mean. Stop the music for the next scene. EXT. ABEL'S CAPE FOREST - GROWING DARK - FA Our viewpoint is situated in the middle of a TINY CLEARING, next to a - well, you'll see in a minute. Zachary and Jeremy are walking on a path behind some trees. They round a corner and enter the clearing. We now see that in the middle of the clearing stands a BROKEN SUNDIAL (the acutal part that casts the shadow is missing). ZACHARY (in admiration) Wow. JEREMY My father said something about having to pass through here to get to the pond. ZACHARY Well, it's good we're on the right track. Maybe the pond is through the woods there- As Zachary steps past the sundial, a TRANSULCENT FIGURE appears standing atop of it, armed with a FIGHTING STAFF. Zachary and Jeremy draw their weapons and jump back, and the figure jumps down. It is female, wearing a black cloak and hood. FIGURE Hello. ZACHARY (somewhat scared) Uh... hi. FIGURE What is your business at Abel's Cape? ZACHARY We... we want to travel through the Forest Pond Gateway! (Jeremy nods vigorously) FIGURE You can't possibly want to go to- there. None return. ZACHARY Why not? Is it because they absolutely can't, or are they just unable to? FIGURE Not... absolutely. The area... is simply too distracting. If you want to make it in and out again, you must have a clear goal in your heart. Those who enter looking for riches never make it. Either something on the other side does them in... or I do. JEREMY Why would you want to kill them? (more pressingly) Or kill us? FIGURE (waves them off) Don't jump to conclusions; I haven't decided yet. But as to a why... well, it is my pond. ZACHARY How is it yours? FIGURE Well... sit down for a moment, and I'll tell you. Jeremy and Zachary stare at her, extremely skeptical. FIGURE Do not fear me now! I will not hurt you! (she drops her weapon on the forest floor to indicate this) Hesitantly, Zachary and Jeremy sit down. The figure sits down in front of them, and throws back her hood. She is beautiful, yet deadly. FIGURE Now let us speak to each other. My name is Anaceron. What are your names? ZACHARY I am Zachary, and he is- JEREMY (speaking up) Jeremy. ANACERON Ah. Well, you asked me a question and I shall answer it as best I can. (she smiles for a moment) Not many of the men who come here ask me questions. They usually try to fight me right away. You're different. I like that. Anyway, here is my story... EXT. ABEL'S CAPE CLIFFSIDE PATH - DAY - FLASHBACK - FA Through something of a mist effect, we are watching a silent flashback from Anaceron's memory. The music "Somber Memories" by Isao Mizoguchi plays in the background. Anaceron and a MAN are walking along the cliffside path towards our point of view. The man is equipped for battle with SHINING ARMOR and SWORD, as is Anaceron, who wears no black nor a hood, and of course a staff instead of a sword. ANACERON (voice-over) Several millenia ago, my love Abel and I were here seeking the Crown of the Mists. This crown was said to hold many powers, and so we came here to unearth it. EXT. ABEL'S CAPE FOREST CLEARING - DAY - FLASHBACK - FA Anaceron and Abel enter a CLEARING similar to the one that contains the sundial. They see a SMALL BOULDER resting in the middle of the clearing. Anaceron and Abel quickly fall to their knees in front of it, and start digging into the EARTH with their HANDS. ANACERON (voice-over) With the Crown, we hoped to restore my cousin, Mistress Alice, to Entherance's Throne. JEREMY (voice-over) The Kingdom of Entherance has been lost for centuries! My father told me stories about it. ANACERON (voice-over) Yes, and my cousin was to be the last of Celes' decendants to rule there. For when we found the Crown of the Mists... Anaceron and Abel suddenly stop digging, and they lift out a SMALL BOX. Anaceron anxiously opens the box, and removes the CROWN OF THE MISTS, a simple silver and gold headpiece with a crystal-sky-blue water droplet mounted in the front and center. She immeadiately places the crown on her head, and her body convulses with a sudden surge of power. She stands up, her clothes fluttering behind with the immense energy. Abel stares in wonder. ANACERON (voice-over) ... my sister's friends ambushed us. Many ARMED MEN suddenly leap out of the woods, and Anaceron and Abel barely manage to draw their weapons and defend themselves in time. Fighting breaks out. The men concentrate on Anaceron, but a few go after Abel. It is a desparate fight, and they are driven back. Anaceron, an incredible fighter to begin with, but now aided by the Crown of the Mists, does a remarkable job of defending herself, facing and slaying even three or four attakers at once. However, the sheer numbers of the armed men are quite depressing. There are probably hundreds of them. ANACERON (voice-over) How she was able to send so many men to this small island, I still do not know. My sister had fallen in love with my cousin Alice's archenemy - Leto. With Leto, she planned to overthrow Alice. Her armies became allied with Leto's, and she became unstopable. Our trek to retrieve the Crown was probably a fool's errand, but it was our only hope. It is clear by now that Anaceron and Abel are in serious trouble. They turn and run together to the cliffs. The minions follow close behind. At the open cliffside, they run onto another, less-used path that carries them back into some bush, and then the woods again. After a moment, they reach a place where the trees are older and larger, the brush sparser, and in the middle of a brown-needled clearing lies a POND, with some GRASSES and LILY-PADS. This pond somewhat connects to a STREAM, such that the water isn't stagnant and yucky. Anaceron (left in our POV facing the pond) and Abel (right) stop for a moment, wondering how to cross it. However, in their moment of hesitation, the men bear down behind them. The first to get to them reaches out and snatches Anaceron's crown right off her head. Anaceron, collecting her wits, turns around and gives the man's arm a good strike with her staff, probably breaking the arm. The hurting fellow lets go of the Crown, and it drops to the ground. ANACERON (voice-over) At a critical point in the battle, the Crown was lifted off my head. I reacted quickly, but I wasn't paying enough attention to my actions. Anaceron reaches for the Crown with her left arm, grabs it in mid-air, and swings her left arm back as hard as she can. Unfortunately, Abel is in the midst of making a lunge at yet another man who is attacking the distracted Anaceron. Anaceron stabs Abel in the chest with the Crown of the Mists. The crown disappears into Abel's armor, and blue waves emenate from the impact. Abel, stunned dead, falls back into the pond. The pond's surface then shines blue, and Abel disappears. Anaceron can't believe this, and neither can the many attackers. However, the fighting doesn't stall for long, and the man who Abel had tried to defend against gets a good strike at Anaceron. His sword pierces her clean through in the stomach, emerging from her back. Anaceron's head jerks back, her hair waving in the slight breeze. The man draws his sword back out of Anaceron's body in such a way that she also falls into the pond, though Anaceron, as a point of difference, is still slightly alive when her body splashes against the crystal-blue water. As she sinks beneath the surface, her body is surrounded by a blue shimmer. Fade out. The music stops. EXT. ABEL'S CAPE FOREST - GROWING DARK - FA ANACERON When Abel rushed forward to defend me, I accidently stabbed him with the Crown, which seemed to be absorbed into his body. He was killed instantly, and he fell into the pond, creating the Gateway. Then I myself was run through with a sword, and I fell into the pond. Somehow, I remained alive here, but I cannot leave this island. In my lover's honor, I named this area Abel's Cape. A few men over the years have wisely decided not to challenge me, and they are the ones who undoubtedly pass on more legends about this place. The last person to visit me was a strange man who said he came from a place called Northern Village. He came to me three times, but on his third visit I told him that if he was to set foot on this island again, I would kill him immeadiately. JEREMY That's my father! ANACERON (slightly annoyed) Really, now. I should have known. (normally) Anyway, I have told you my story, which I rarely have an opportunity to tell. It would please me to hear yours. ZACHARY My gi- A girl I like, Jessica, got bitten by a Rose Viper. I'm looking for a cure. Upon hearing this, Anaceron stands up and nearly strikes Zachary with her staff. She is *incredibly* angry, but she does pause before killing Zachary. ANACERON (seething in anger) You're just a boy. You probably don't know any better. ZACHARY (frightened) Why? What did I do? Anaceron drops her weapon once again and sits down. ANACERON (dimly) The Rose Viper only strikes women who are extremely unhappy in love. She was probably bitten due to your own inaction. ZACHARY So the legend is true... ANACERON (calmer now) Well, I've never been one to hold much faith in legends and myths I haven't seen firsthand. But yes, this 'legend,' as you put it, is quite 'true.' ZACHARY Then I must find a cure for Jessica! ANACERON (slightly angry again) *Cure* the Rose Viper Dream?! You are either the cruelest or most ignorant man I have ever known! Even if you *could* cure the venom, you'd be bringing Jessica out of- Ah, well I don't wish to elaborate so in front of younger ears. But you will have to profess your love for her right away if you manage to go through with this, otherwise you'll simply be cruel in awakening her. JEREMY Do you know if there's a cure beyond the Gateway? ANACERON I am slightly familiar with the nature of the world beyond, and I doubt that they even *have* Rose Vipers. But it is definitely worth a try. In all my existence I have never heard of a woman being awakened from the Rose Viper Dream, but if your intentions are good, I will support you in any way I can. You are quite welcome to use the Gateway for the purpose of healing your true love, but there is a slight problem. ZACHARY What is the problem? ANACERON The gate, to the best of my knowledge, provides no provision for returning. I may be exaggerating when I say that things in the other world do every traveler in, for I really have no way of knowing. But since no one has come back for so many years, I have come to that conclusion. As I have said, you may go through the Gateway, but you will not be able to return. I am sorry I could not help you. Have a safe journey home... (she begins to disappear) ZACHARY Wait! Anaceron returns. ZACHARY You *must* know of a way to get back! What's the point of a Gateway if it doesn't work both ways? ANACERON The point, indeed... ZACHARY What do you mean? ANACERON Unfortunately for me, there is a way for the gate to function 'both ways.' (she takes up her staff and stands) You will need to kill me, because I am linked to the Gateway. Zachary and Jeremy quickly stand, deeply alarmed. ANACERON (standing with her arms at her sides and eyes closed, slightly trembling) When I am killed, the Gateway will probably only exist for a short while longer, as the person who *is* the Gateway is dead; I am the one supplying the power. But when the Gateway disappears from here, I believe it will appear somewhere in the other world for a short time as a reflection of what it was doing here. This relfection, though, won't last long, because reflected power is weaker than real power. You'll have to act quickly. (she smiles) Oh, and as an added positive point... there'll be a lovely crown lying on the bottom of the pond when you return. ZACHARY (frightened) What do you want us to *do*? Run you through or something? ANACERON (eyes suddenly opening) Of course not! You must prove to me that I am ready to die! (arms herself, then points to Jeremy) You! Stand aside, this is this boy's love, and this boy's fight! (lunging at Zachary, *very* loudly) Rahhhhh... Bring up the music, "Boss Battle" by Isao Mizoguchi. Anaceron's staff strikes Zachary's staff, and for a second her eyes flutter in surprise. They whack at each other for a few moments, Zachary getting a few decent melees in, but Anaceron having the upper hand by far. Zachary will stumble three or four times and get up again; Anaceron will not falter once. The back-and-forth fighting goes on for a minute or two, until Anaceron gets a good hit to Zachary's stomach, knocking the wind out of Zachary as he falls to the ground. Our point of view switches to a close up of Zachary's frightened and sweaty face. He is going to die. But then we look up at Anaceron from Zachary's point of view, and her face suddenly changes from grim determination to a gentle sadness. ANACERON (very sadly) Love is, indeed, a very human thing. Zachary looks at her quizically, but before he can say anything Anaceron stands bolt upright, screams incredibly, then gives *herself* a *really* powerful knock from her fighting staff across her chest, probably breaking several ribs. The staff actually breaks in two with the impact. She collapses to the ground, quivering in pain. ZACHARY (sitting up, staring at Anaceron) Anaceron? ANACERON (gasping) <ah> You've... <ah> Go... <ah> Save your true love... <ah> hurry... <ah> I am not much longer for this world... <ah> Jeremy rushes up and grabs Zachary by the arm, taking him away from his enraptured stare. They race off into the woods. JEREMY (running) We need to find this Gateway before it disappears! Charging forth desparately and mindlessly, they eventually reach an area with older trees and thinner brush. Then they see the pond, which is still blue, but flickering, and they run towards it even faster. As they get close to the pond, we take a side-view of the action. Reaching the edge of solid ground, they dive in headfirst (Note to Mike: Yeah, that's probably too dangerous to do. Let's play it safe, okay?), and disappear beneath the surface. Then we take a shot from above the pond looking down. They've *completely* disappeared! EXT. ABEL'S CAPE END-OF-PATH CLIFFSIDE - AFTERGLOW - FA It is almost completely dark outside on the lonely Abel's Cape. Looking from behind, we watch as poor Anaceron slowly stumbles to the cliffedge. Wearing her cloak, she looks like a walking shadow. Reaching the edge, she dives. Fade out. INT. LION'S DEN PREMIERE ROOM - BEDFORD - NIGHT We've been so long in "Film Amateura" that people have probably forgotten that it was a film within a film. This quiet scene with little camera movement in Bedford's Lion's Den will probably jar the audience considerably, so play that up a little. The room is in relative disarray, and it looks like it is being used as a meeting place for MIKE'S CREW. However, the only people in the room at the moment are Corey, Michael, Joey, and the actor playing Zachary, who is not in costume. Zachary and Joey are seated off to the side, while Corey and Michael are standing up in the middle of the room, having a brief chat. COREY Man, was that ever a hard day's shooting! MICHAEL Yes, and the worst is yet to come, what with these adventures in the other dimension to find the antivenin. COREY Oh... (recovering) oh, yeah, of course. Uh... I thought we filmed that part three days ago. MICHAEL Uh, no. We didn't. COREY (akwardly) Heh! Yeah! You're right! Let me go get my script... Corey softly runs out of the room, leaving Michael and Zachary. Zachary then stands up and stretches. ZACHARY I've got to go take a leak. I'll be back in a second. Michael nods, and Zachary departs. Michael remains in the middle of the room, staring at the projection screen. After a moment, a loud crashing noise is heard from a room behind that wall. Michael, startled, runs to the door of that room to investigate, but someone on the other side opens the door for him. When that person emerges, we see that it is just Zachary. In costume. MICHAEL (relieved) Oh, it's just you, <name of actor playing Zachary>! But why did you get into your costume? We're finished shooting for today. Zachary walks further into the room, extremely confused. ZACHARY Where am I? MICHAEL Come again? Suddenly, some more crashing is heard. Jeremy then walks out of the same room. He is also in costume. JEREMY What is this place? Corey comes back into the room, carrying the script. COREY Oh, there's <name of actor playing Zachary> and <name of actor playing Jeremy> in costume. (to Mike) I thought we were finished for tonight. MICHAEL And I thought <name of actor playing Zachary> was in the bathroom. To break up this scene, Zachary comes walking onto the scene- Wait a moment. Let's bring in a note of clairification. Is what you think is happening actually going on? Probably yes. Anyway, from this point forward, we will need to differentiate the actors from the characters, so to speak. Zachary, for instance, is simply Zachary, but when I need to call up the actor playing him, I'll call him <Zachary>. So anytime you see the greater-than or less-than symbols, you'll know that I'm referring to the real name of the actor who plays said character in the actual "Film Amateura." Say, for instance, an actress named Aidrienne Junek was playing the part of Anaceron. If I write <Anaceron>, I really mean "Aidrienne." If I write <Anaceron-L>, I mean "Junek," and an -FL means "Aidrienne Junek." Alright, now back to the script. To break up this scene, <Zachary> comes walking onto the scene, stretching out his arms. <ZACHARY> Man, did I ever have to go! I had to piss like a- <Zachary> suddenly sees Zachary, and he jumps, as does Zachary when he sees <Zachary>. ZACHARY (scared) Who are you? COREY Uhhh... <ZACHARY> Uh... my name's <Zachary>. You're wearing my costume. ZACHARY Costume? These are my clothes. I have journeyed here from another world. I am looking for some Rose Viper antivenin to awaken my true love from the Rose Viper Dream. MICHAEL Forgive me if I'm wrong, but that sounds a lot like our movie. COREY (slightly distressed) It *is* our movie. JEREMY What's a 'movie'? MICHAEL (leaning towards Jeremy) Uh... a moving picture. In this world we have a way to capture images one after the other really fast, and if you set up a light and project them again really fast, it looks as though the people in the pictures are moving. JEREMY Wow! And you have one? MICHAEL We're making one. It's about you. ZACHARY About Jeremy? MICHAEL No, about both of you. All of you. (he sighs) You two were characters in a movie I'm directing, but now you've come to life, strangely enough. ZACHARY I - I don't understand this stuff! All I want is the antivenin! Do any of you know where I can find it? MICHAEL I'm sorry, but Anaceron was right. There are no Rose Vipers here. ZACHARY Well then, I'm going back- MICHAEL Wait! I'm sure we can think of something if you hang around here for a bit! The Gateway won't close until this time tomorrow night! I looked at the script, so I know that for sure! ZACHARY Really? Well, I guess it's our only hope. What do you think, Jeremy? JEREMY Sounds good to me. (to Mike) Do I have a twin too? MICHAEL You should. I think he's gone home, though. JEREMY Wow! MICHAEL Corey, I have just one question. Why did this happen? COREY (scared) Well... I, uh, well... you see... JOEY It's that fucking Will Matheson! Some shit is up with him. MICHAEL He's in PEI! But then, he *did* write this movie... COREY (softly, to himself) PEI? Suddenly, there is another loud noise, this time in the room behind them. Everyone races into said room. INT. LION'S DEN RECEPTION AREA - BEDFORD - NIGHT The gang of Corey, Michael, Joey, Jeremy, Zachary, and <Zachary> rushes into the reception room in front of the video room. Connor MacKenzie and his girlfriend JANICE TOWNSEND are standing in the middle of the room, startled by something at the window. The room is also occupied by Jennifer, who is just stepping in from outside. NOTE: Janice played a character named Adia Lockheart in Michael Fox's movie "Cronica." Suddenly, the window smashes open, and AARDVARK GROSSER (a villian from "Cronica" who was played by Joey Campbell) leaps inside. MICHAEL Joey! Glad you could join us! (turning behind to see Joey, he realizes something - perhaps that Joey is already with them!) Uh, whoops. Instead of acknowledging Mike, however, Aardvark simply pulls a KNIFE and makes a lunge at poor Janice, probably thinking she is Adia. JANICE (slightly screaming) Aiee! Connor and Janice run to a corner of the room, trying to get away from Aardvark. Joey and Mike get into Aardvark's way. He knocks them over and continues his mindless pursuit of 'Adia.' JOEY (in pain) You know... if Jeremy and Zachary came here from "Film Amateura," then it's possible that this is my character Aardvark Grosser from "Cronica," and he thinks that Janice here is actually "Adia," the character she played in that film who was Grosser's arch-nemisis. MICHAEL (in pain) Yeah, that sounds about right. JANICE (pleading) I'm *not* Adia Lockheart! I just played her in the movie! AARDVARK *Movie*?!?! *What* movie?! MICHAEL Cronica! AARDVARK (suprised) The Cronica still exists? (he then abandons Janice and rushes up to Mike, where he puts his knife to Mike's neck) Where is it?! The Cronica, where is it?! MICHAEL I *told* you... Cronica was just a movie! AARDVARK A... a movie? (he sees the script laying on a table) Aardvark picks up the script and takes off with it. AARDVARK (leaping back out the window into the night) Ha-ha! CONNOR What's going on? COREY The characters from all of Mike's movies are coming to life! JANICE But Aardvark was killed in "Cronica!" Why is he still here? MICHAEL Yeah, that *is* weird. COREY I hope that not *all* the characters are coming to life. You've made a lot of films over the years. JANICE Well, the only ones we'd really need to worry about are the villians from each movie, right? MICHAEL Yeah, and they still have to be able to find us. I think Grosser was just lucky. CONNOR (to Mike) If any of your other characters came into the real world, where would they be? JOEY Something is drastically wrong here. Will is going to pay. MICHAEL It's Will Matheson! We've got to find Will Matheson! EXT. LEBRUN CENTRE - NIGHT Mike and the gang are looking around outside the premises. Crouching by a corner of the building, they see zombies and other characters leaving the area. MICHAEL (noticing the distant figures) It begins. JOEY Oh shit. MICHAEL I don't know why, but they're loose. JENNIFER They're dead. MICHAEL What? JENNIFER They're all dead. Look! The characters that are here all died in your movies. JOEY (squinting to take stock of the distant figures) I think she's right! MICHAEL Okay, here's the plan. Corey, you come with me. We're going to track down the characters and bring them back here. Jennifer, tomorrow you and Joey go to Prince Edward Island, find Will Matheson, and get him to tell you what the hell is going on. Zack and Jeremy, you two go after Aardvark Grosser and get the script back; it's the only hope of figuring out a way to get you home. JANICE Can't you just print out another copy? COREY (nervous) Uh... it's the only copy we have. SIMON (from behind) Perhaps *we* can be of service. SIMON and THE ROSE stand before the crew. NOTE: These two guys come from the movie "Death's Apprentice," and were played by Steve Yorke and Adam Maher, respectively. MICHAEL Sweet! You two come with me and Corey. Let's round up these guys! JANICE (indicating herself and her boyfriend Connor) What about us? MICAHEL You two go home and have sex or something. CONNOR (enthused) Yeah! Alright! Janice simply rolls her eyes. JOEY (to Jennifer) Ok, let's get to PEI and find Will Matheson. JENNIFER He gives me the creeps, but I guess we have no choice. INT / EXT / VARIOUS PLACES / NIGHT / ?? (This is the section of the script that both Mike and I are too lazy to properly outline. There's supposedly lots of, and I quote, "battles and laughs." I can hardly wait, can you?) INT OR EXT? / WHO KNOWS? / AT NIGHT, I GUESS (This is where Jeremy and Zachary fight Aardvark and RAINUS. Rainus? Yeah, he's a villan from the Zelda movies! Hopefully it'll be his SECOND FORM, which is played by the super-cool Ryan Cox. But why are they fighting *Rainus?* Isn't Aardvark the one with the script? Don't ask why, Mike dry.) (Okay, looking ahead and looking back, here's what we'll have to do. Jeremy and Zachary fight Aardvark and grab the script, which Zachary tucks behind his belt. They continue to wail on Aardvark, but Rainus shows up to take over everything, and they have to run away. They get chased back to the LeBrun Centre. The villains run inside - Zachary and Jeremy get there far enough ahead of time so as not to be *seen* running inside; it is simply assumed. Jeremy and Zachary enter *behind* the villains.) INT. LEBRUN CENTRE - NIGHT Suddenly, a WHOLE BUNCH OF VILLAINS FROM VIRTUALLY EVERY MICHAEL FOX FILM appear, led by RAINUS in his second form (Ryan Cox). (script editor's note: Oh okay, so Rainus is leading them. Still. So we'll have to assume that Jeremy and Zachary either got the script and got away, or that they lured the villans to this new location. Like I said, who knows?) AARDVARK We're going to kill (points at Mike) - him! He put us into this mess by making these movies! RAINUS Attack!! MICHAEL (scared) No, wait- MEGHAN You're going about it all wrong, Rainus! He's not the real problem- (script editor's note: In *my* version of this film, Meghan's appearance was explained rather well, by means of a hilarious scene involving Joe Chisolm, myself, and the others. Obviously Lord Mike didn't think that any explanation of Meghan's entrance was necessary, especially when you consider that Meghan didn't die in "The Artifact." Oh, right, I forgot. That was the movie she was in, and she was played by Charlotte Jewer. Joe played Theadore, whom she was trapped inside a singularity with for all eternity. Fun, huh? Okay, okay, they weren't there for *eternity* (especially considering that I don't believe in eternity any more - everything will come to an end in my opinion, even this Universe...), just a couple thousand years. But that kind of time hasn't passed yet, since the events occoured in 2010. Don't you feel cheated now? Me too, but I guess it's my fault for actually having a life and finding gainful employment for the summer. Not that this version of the movie doesn't have it's strengths. As a matter of fact, I kind of like it. *Anyway*...) NOTE: "Meghan" hails from "William Matheson's 'The Artifact,'" where she was played by the sexxxxxxy Charlotte Jewer. Ha-ha. And she's not one of the 'dead' characters. Then, ZACHARY and JEREMY return, ZACHARY holding the script in his belt. ZACHARY (drawing staff) Fox, we fight with you! JEREMY (drawing sword) Yeah! Cue music "Hiro's Fight," by Isao Mizoguchi. Fighting ensues, a lot of it between characters and their real-life counterparts. Since there are so many of these people, I'll just let Mike handle the messy details of the match-ups, and I'll stick with the story. Corey grabs the script from Zachary's belt and runs off. MICHAEL (over the din) I always knew he was a coward! The fighting continues, but the evil movie characters look to be winning. Many of the real-life actors have been knocked unconcious, or perhaps they have been wounded. MICHAEL (scared) We're dead! ZACHARY (determined) Of course not. I think we can remove this "Rainus" if we set our minds to it. We'll jump him together. MICHAEL (scared) Uh, right. As they prepare their suicidal assault, Corey enters the room and take up a position standing on a table (or better yet, looking down from a balcony on the action if there is a balcony). Corey is holding two thick stacks of paper together and a stapler. COREY (triumphantly) I have here the completed script to "Film Amateura!" Magestically, Corey staples the two halves together. The enemies* instantly fade, leaving only the 'good guys,' plus Meghan. * People who fade: Grosser, Rainus, Drake, Ostaz, Murray, Old Man MacEachern. The only non-enemies who fade are Simon and The Rose. Basically, if you were dead, you're gone. Therefore, Meghan is left behind as the only remaining enemy. Everyone else stays, because their characters were alive when they 'came over.' RAINUS SECOND FORM (while fading into nothing) Nooo!... MICHAEL He did it! He sent all the dead people back to their movies! By sending Rainus back, everything he did is now undone! MEGHAN It's almost as if he's trying to redeem himself from something... NOTE: Oh yeah, she's a telepath. I forgot, but like I said, all this stuff was explained in my version of this film. MICHAEL Why are you still here? For that matter, why did you even come to life - you weren't dead! MEGHAN Oh, you wouldn't understand. We focus on Zachary instead. ZACHARY (softly, to himself) We've won... MICHAEL Okay, it looks like we're in the clear. Now we just need to find a cure for Jessica's ailment, then get these two back into their movie. COREY Not so fast, losers. ALL BUT COREY (looking up to Corey) Huh? COREY You've *forgotten* about me! After all I went through to recover the next part of "Film Amateura," you don't even thank me! MICHAEL Corey, we- COREY (to Mike) Silence! I don't want to hear another word from you! I basically *launched* your whole filmmaking carrer! Without me, you'd be *nothing*! MICHAEL Of course, and I thank you, but- COREY Shut up! (with a triumphant sort of evil menace) Now you shall all witness the power I wield over your miserable souls! MICHAEL Aw, come on! What can you possibly do- COREY (ignoring him) Behold! (he unveils a LARGE SCRIPT entitled "Film Amateura by Corey Strong") I present to you the new "Film Amateura," with *my* second half! See ya, suckers! Corey disappears in a flash. That being done, the room that Our Heroes (plus Meghan) are standing in changes to the inside of a dark, dilapidated STONE HOUSE with one window. INT. ABANDONED HOUSE - CORELLA VILLAGE - DAY Corella Village is somewhat 'greener' than the Saleen or Northern villages and surrounded by deciduous trees and tall mountains. It is largely an agricultural settlement, where most villagers can be seen working on their gardens. MICHAEL What just happened? MEGHAN It appears that we are now in that boy's movie. ZACHARY (optimistically) Maybe the Rose Viper antivenin is here! MICHAEL You know, it just might *be* here. Corey can write whatever he wants into this world, so he might have created antivenin to tantalize us. I guess that's our only hope now. ZACHARY Let's go look around this place. MICHAEL Okay, but stick together. I don't want any of us to get lost in here. MEGHAN Not a chance. I can keep track of all of you. Everyone looks at Meghan. MICHAEL Why are you still with us? MEGHAN Would I miss a chance to see this boy Corey Strong look like an idiot? I'm staying with you guys until this is over! Everyone walks out of the house and into the village. EXT. CORELLA VILLAGE - DAY ZACHARY We need to find out where we are. Zachary walks up to a FARMER tending a small garden patch in front of his house. ZACHARY Excuse me, sir! The farmer turns around. He looks just like Ryan Cox. FARMER RYAN Yes? MICHAEL Ryan? FARMER RYAN Ryan? Who is Ryan? I am Joeseph. ZACHARY Sir, we wish to inquire as to our whereabouts. RYAN/JOESEPH Your whereabouts? You from away? MICHAEL You might say that. RYAN/JOESEPH Well you've wandered into Corella Village, good people. We're the closest Liosa settlement to the Nisa border frontier. ZACHARY Liosa? Nisa? Those lands are across the Earth from my homeland! There's no way I can get back to Jessica in time now! MICHAEL As I see it, you're probably lucky to have wound up back in the same world. JEREMY But I don't remember Liosa or Nisa ever having a frontier. Are you at war? RYAN/JOESEPH Unfortunately, yes. Fortunately, this region in the mountains is far away from the battle on the plains. ZACHARY Why is there fighting? Liosa and Nisa have been at peace for generations! RYAN/JOESEPH There is a new leader in Nisa. His name is Ory of House Ciz, and he rules from the Niso Tower. MICHAEL Oh no! Corey wrote *himself* into Film Amateura! This is *my* movie, not his!! RYAN/JOESEPH Come again? What is a 'movie?' MICHAEL (hastily) Uh, you don't want to know. Thanks for helping us. RYAN/JOESEPH Any time, good sir. Michael and the others leave the immeadiate vicinity. MICHAEL Now that Corey's running a whole country, there's no telling what he could do to us. MEGHAN Honestly, Michael, I think he doesn't care... unless we try to get in his way. MICHAEL Yes! Let's get in his way! JEREMY How? MICHAEL I dunno. Maybe Jen and Joey will find Will Matheson, and they'll think of something to get us out. Fade out. EXT. M.V. CONFEDERATION II DECK - BRIGHT, SUNNY DAY (script editor's note: Do you want to know how Mike spelled 'ferry' in his draft? Fairy! Ha-ha, no really! I swear I am not making this up... although going over to PEI on a fairy would be kind of cool. C'mon, Tinkerbell! You know what else was funny? They said they were going on the 'slow' 'fairy' (as opposed to the bridge, I suppose) because it was more fun. Actually, since I stay up east, the ferry would actually be faster if you're travelling from Halifax. Ha-ha... The blatant simplisticness of this scene shocked me.) JENNIFER and JOEY are on the DECK of the CONFEDERATION II, a large auto ferry operated by Northumberland and Bay Ferries Limited, making the trip from Caribou, Nova Scotia, to Wood Islands, Prince Edward Island. Jennifer and Joey are at the end of the vessel facing Prince Edward Island. It is a bright sunny day. JOEY (bored, looking off into the distance) Why do we have to take the ferry? JENNIFER It's more fun, and it's faster than the bridge since we're coming from Halifax. JOEY But it seems so slow, and we're in a hurry! Mike and the others are in trouble! JENNIFER Patience. Do you have the $250 it would take to fly us both over one-way? Not to mention a ride to the airport, then another ride from Charlottetown to Souris? JOEY (with a sigh) I can see the island from here! Hurry up, you stupid boat! INT. NISO TOWER GREAT HALL - DAY The Great Hall of Niso Tower is a large, dark, empty hall that is quite 'blue' - there is a narrow blue carpet leading through the darkness from the stairs to the throne, and blue curtains hanging from the ceiling. There is little ornamentation. Corey is seated on a THRONE, dressed in a MAJESTIC ROYAL ROBE and wearing a nifty GOLDEN CROWN. Tucked beside him in his seat is the "Film Ciz Ory" script. At this moment, he has a ORNATE GOLDER SCEPTER in his hand, and he strikes the stone floor of the huge hall with it twice. COREY (loudly, while striking the floor) Quaselo! Get in here! (quitely, to himself) Now those losers shall regret the day Mike stopped making Zelda movies! QUASELO enters the room. He looks just like Adam Maher, but dressed up for this locale. COREY Have the party of strange-dressed people arrived in Liosa yet? ADAM/QUASELO Yes, they have, your majesty. Our scouts have sighted a group of the people you have described in Corella Village. Shall we eliminate them? COREY No. Let them come to us. In fact, as far as everyone else in Liosa besides myself, you, and the scouting network is concerned, we don't even know they've reached this continent. ADAM/QUASELO But our people at the borders could be hurt if they are not warned- COREY Silence! Do as you're told and keep this information to yourself. ADAM/QUASELO (gulping) Yes, sir. Adam/Quaselo leaves the Hall. Corey is now alone. COREY (quietly, to himself) Now... now you shall all know the true meaning of revenge. Fade out. INT. ABANDONED HOUSE - CORELLA VILLAGE - DAY Everyone is seated trying to come up with an idea. MICHAEL We have to get to that tower Corey's in on foot. ZACHARY That could take days! The Niso Tower in Nisa is nearly three hundred kilometres from here! JEREMY What we really need is some sort of a shortcut. MEGHAN (thinking) There *is* the possibitlity of a short-cut... MICHAEL Well, that's great then. What? MEGHAN (remembering, realizing) An airship! MICHAEL Say again? MEGHAN We can get to the tower by an airship. I heard Corella's elders talking about it earlier. MICHAEL How-? MEGHAN I heard them talking inside one of the buildings! Besides, they're characters here, and if they mention anything, it has to exist in this world! ZACKERY It's... true... They *do* exist. But I myself have never seen one. Only Liosans have the ability to float heavy things in the air though... JEREMY Maybe we should go *talk* to the elders, then. They might tell us where we could find an 'airship.' We'll be lucky if there is such a thing up here in the mountains, though. ZACHARY And maybe we'll find the cure at the tower! I know I'm back in my own world again, but maybe he wrote in a cure along with himself and us! JEREMY Maybe. We'll just have to hope. MICHAEL Alright, let's go talk to those elders. EXT. OLD STORAGE HANGAR - EARLY EVENING The gang walks out of the trees and into a small, rockside clearing where a HANGAR has been errected alongside a rock wall. Going inside, they find an AIRSHIP resting on a wheeled LAUNCH WAGON. They get behind the wagon and begin to push it outside. ZACHARY (pushing the airship's launch wagon outside with the others) Luck would appear to be with us today. EXT. OUTSIDE NISO TOWER ENTRANCE - EARLY EVENING Michael and the others maneuver the airship as close to a mountain path as he can without crashing. Zachary drops a rope ladder over the side, and everyone disembarks, except Michael, who drops a heavy anchor down onto the ground. Then he climbs down himself, and Our Heroes take a look around. They are standing in a narrowish path that both leads inside the door of Niso Tower (to the camera's right) and far down into the green mounds, hills, and bushes (right). They seem to be at an even higher elevation than before, and they are surrounded by mountains, though these ones have trees as far as you can see. The whole tower appears to be situated partway down the face of the ridge of an enormous river valley. It is a beautiful place, but Zachary and Jeremy are especially reminded that the sun is only a few hours away from setting. ZACHARY (quietly) Jessica is going to die tomorrow afternoon if we don't do something. MEGHAN (patting Zachary on the shoulder) Don't worry. I'm sure we'll succeed in all our missions. JEREMY (looking up at the tower) I wonder where Ciz Ory keeps the antivenin? At that moment, the characters and the camera look up the front face of the tower. Immense would not be an adequate word to describe it. The tall, narrowish stone structure seems to reach up to the cloud tops; indeed, the exact top of the tower is obscured to our vision. This current Crown Castle of Nisa, Niso Tower, appears to be at least fifty stories tall. As the camera returns to Our Heroes, some of them gulp. MICHAEL (to himself) We can do it. We can do it. They file into the tower. INT. NISO TOWER FOYER - EARLY EVENING (1F) Inside, Our Heroes try to navigate in the relative darkness. MEGHAN I wonder why there weren't any guards right there at the entrance. JEREMY My father told me that this tower is impossible to approach by any other route than through the mountain path. They probably keep more guards on the path guardhouses than in the actual tower. MICHAEL Yeah, but I betcha there's still hundreds of soldiers in here. We'll have to stay on our toes. Zack takes the lead as they head for the SPIRAL STONE STAIRCASE going up. The party hears the sound of running footsteps going down, and a few people take fright. ZACK (warning shout from up ahead) Watch out! Lower yourselves! Our Heroes do as instructed, and we hear a loud thump. In the next moment, a GUARD goes flying over their heads, landing on the floor below. He is knocked out cold. MICHAEL If they don't get to Will Matheson soon, then we're all dead. INT. JEN'S CAR - PEI - HIGHWAY THREE-FIFTEEN OR HIGHWAY FOUR FROM BRUDNELL TO DINGWELL'S MILLS OR HIGHWAY TWO FROM DINGWELL'S MILLS TO SOURIS WEST (ANYWHERE THERE'S A POTATO FIELD OR A DIRT ROAD OR SOMETHING ON THE TRIP FROM WOOD ISLANDS TO SOURIS!) - DAY Jen and Joey are driving to where William is staying in Jen's car. Joey looks out at a POTATO FIELD (or something else that shows off the red soil) they pass. Jen is driving. JOEY (bored) What's with the red soil? JENNIFER It's red because there's lots of iron-oxides in it. Rust. JOEY (bored sigh) Darn iron... INT. NISO TOWER - VARIOUS LOCATIONS - EARLY EVENING Cue music: "Growing Fear" by Isao Mizoguchi This is a montage of shots featuring the party led by Zachary rushing up through the levels of the tower, sometimes fighting guards. Zachary does most of the heroics, but Michael and Jeremy get a few good knocks in one in a while. The music is fast-paced, and so is the action accompanying it. Remember, these people are in a bit of hurry, and the tower is something like fifty stories tall. After a long while of running up, the music ends. Fade. INT. NISO TOWER - 25F - EARLY EVENING Eventually Our Heroes run up onto a small floor with a lower ceiling, and into a room with a soldier guarding a door into some sort of storage room, where the evening sun streams in through a window, and there is another staircase (shut off by a large black door) going up, but it is closer to the middle of the tower structure this time, indicating that the tower narrows from here on up. The soldier attacks Zachary. He beats him cleanly. The party looks and notices that the sign next to the room says "Medicinal Storage - 25F." MICHAEL (out of breath from the workout of getting there) Hey (he points at the room)... maybe your antivenin is in there! Zachary and Jeremy eagerly run inside the room, which is seen from outside to be small, yet it contains many shelves filled with all kinds of mysterious items. Zachary and Jeremy come rushing out carrying a SMALL VIAL. ZACHARY We've got it! Everyone (and the camera) sees that the label reads "Antivenin of the Rose Viper. Collected at the end of the last Age by Selenea. The Viper's appearance in her village convinced the Matroness to drive her husband away. - Grand Doctor of the Nisa Crown" MICHAEL Alright, now let's continue on. They move towards the black door guarding the staircase up. Zachary tries the handle. It is locked. ZACHARY Hmm... MEGHAN We'll have to break down the door. MICHAEL Why is *this* the Crown Palace of Nisa? JEREMY This tower is probably the only surviving structure from the days of Entherance. I doubt that the Nisa were ever able to build anything nearly as massive, so they used the Starlight Tower as their Crown Palace. Zachary re-examines the door. MICHAEL Meghan, do you think you could use your powers to help us? Meghan gives Michael an indignant glare, but she closes her eyes and tries anyway. MEGHAN (concentrating hard, eyes closed) I'm seeing the layout of this place now. All the floors from here on up are narrower, and they are also more heavily guarded. The Great Hall that we are seeking lies on the fiftieth floor. Everyone else groans. MEGHAN But you do have some reason to be cheerful. I think... I *think,* mind you... that I might be able to force the lock on the door open by telekenisis. She concentrates *really* *really* hard for nearly a minute. Suddenly, a faint click is heard, then Meghan nearly faints in exhaustion. Michael helps her stand up again, and Zachary tries the door. It opens, and everyone is sort of 'wowed'. MICAHEL Maybe House Ciz should have the Crown Staff make the locking mechanisms too heavy to move by telekenisis. JEREMY Oh, doing that would be far beyond the abilites of anyone in Nisa in this day. That door was probably forged by Mistress *Alice's* smiths, thousands of years ago. Anyway, let us continue with our journey. The party begins to hike up the second staircase. INT. NISO TOWER SECOND SECTION - VARIOUS LOCATIONS - EVENING Cue music: "Magical Weapon Nash" by Isao Mizoguchi This second section of the tower has narrower floors and is much whiter, brighter, and cleaner - somewhat more like a real palace. Zachary and the others make their way up through it in this montage of shots, and this time most of the party is involved in fighting off enemies since there are so many. As they proceed, dusk approaches, and things get quite a bit darker. By the time they reach the next scene, the sun is setting. The montage ends when the party climbs onto the forty-ninth floor, which is largely empty space with little illumination. The music ends. INT. NISO TOWER FORECHAMBER - EVENING (49F) The characters look around, wondering where to go next. MICHAEL What floor are we on? MEGHAN The forty-ninth, by my count. ZACHARY Wow, we're almost there! Maybe I will be able to cure Jessica! JEREMY There is always the hope. My friends, we are now standing in the Forechamber to the Great Hall. I'm sure that now it is only a matter of seconds before someone- At that moment, a highly decorated soldier runs down from the upper level via a small staircase, brandishing a rod and sword. The party prepares to fight. As the soldier steps forward, we see that he bears a remarkable resemblance to Steve Yorke. MICHAEL Steve? MYSTERIOUS SOLDIER Steve? Fools, my name is not Steve. I am Lansing of House Ciz. King Ory has sent me down to deal with you before you get any further. He knows that you're here now! He discovered your alterations to the Sacred Book of House Ory! Your sacrilege will not go unpunished! MEGHAN It's a flaming movie script! STEVE/LANSING "Movie script?!" Do not attempt to confuse me with your foreign words! MEGHAN Yeah, well what can *you* possibly do to us? We've hacked our way through hundreds of troops to get up here, and it was as easy as- Before Meghan can finish, she is struck down by a blow from Steve/Lansing's rod. She gasps on the floor. STEVE/LANSING Now... prepare to fight! Cue music: "Hiro's Fight" by Isao Mizoguchi He lunges at Zachary with his sword, but Zachary instead ducks and trips him up with her staff. Then the fight takes off in earnest. Steve/Lansing is clearly the better fighter, but before he can injure Zachary, Meghan snaps his mind. Boom! Music ends. STEVE/LANSING (gasping, faint, clutching his skull) It's... not... over... yet... Then that's all for Steve/Lansing. Meghan picks herself up off the floor. ZACHARY Thanks! I was done for! MEGHAN No problem. The party heads for the next set of stairs. INT. NISO TOWER GREAT HALL - LATE EVENING (50F) For a short description of this area, see the earlier scene with Corey and Adam/Quaselo. The camera rises up over the last step and we are now looking directly at Corey, seated on the throne, and Adam/Quaselo, standing beside him. The party slowly approaches Corey on the throne. MICHAEL Alright Corey, we've had enough. Send us back to Bedford. COREY 'Back' to Bedford? Ha ha ha! I am sorry Michael, but there is no 'Bedford' to go back *to*. MICHAEL (angry) Why not?! COREY Haven't you noticed yet? The 'real world' is gone! In fact, everyone you know is now a part of my great film! Look at Adam Maher here for instance. (he indicates Adam/Quaselo) The party looks at Adam/Quaselo and gasps, realizing that it is Adam Maher. ADAM/QUASELO My name isn't Adam Maher, it's- COREY Oh, do shut up, Quaselo. (to the party) And I trust you've also met my 'cousin' Lansing. MEGHAN I killed him! COREY Oh, that's too bad. I guess I shall have to write him back to life. But first I'd like to deal with you. MICHAEL Corey, this isn't funny anymore. Just destroy that script so we can all go home. COREY Oh no! Not so soon! Stay, and let's have some fun! I know some great parlor games we all can play! MEGHAN Yeah, like what? COREY How about "I kill all of you?" *Die!!!* Cue music: "Boss Battle" by Isao Mizoguchi Corey lunges at Michael, and a battle ensues. Cut to another scene. INT. LIVING ROOM, SHANE MACCLURE'S HOUSE - SOURIS - EARLY EVENING WILLIAM MATHESON (the guy behind this whole damn thing) is seated on the couch watching golf on TSN when he hears a knock at the door. He is a little startled, but he does get up and head for the door. When he notices Jen and Joey, he almost goes into shock. WILLIAM (surprised) Hello. Wh- why- JOEY Will, we need to talk to you! WILLIAM Please, call me 'William.' When did you guys make it over to PEI? JENNIFER Just a couple hours ago. WILLIAM What's the occaision? JOEY The characters from Mike's movies are coming to life. WILLIAM Oh, dear. Corey tried to film the half-finished script he stole from me, didn't he? JENNIFER (puzzled) He *stole* it? JOEY (puzzled) I guess... but how did you know that was the cause? WILLIAM Oh, c'mon in and I'll explain. Judging from the fact you came all the way over to PEI to see me, I'm guessing there isn't much time. William shows Jennifer and Joey into two separate sofa chairs, and William returns to the long sofa. WILLIAM You wouldn't believe this dream I had the other day... INT. WILLIAM'S DREAM - DAY, SORT OF William finds himself in a grey, misty room. There is absolutely no sound beside William's movements. He looks around and notices that he is in some sort of an isolated old-style study room with string-bound books on the shelves and a stack of paper on the desk. He goes to look at some of the books. The titles include: The Kingdom of Solaria Sages of Time The Artifact Wisdom WILLIAM (voice-over, quiet) Hmm... is this my study? Those are my stories... He reaches over onto another shelf and finds another story: Entherance He picks up "Entherance" and flips through the pages. He notices that it is a story written in novel form. Looking over his shoulder, we can see the name Anaceron in the text a couple of times. WILLIAM (voice-over, quiet) Hmm... William approaches the table, and sits in the seat. He sets "Entherance" down on the desk. He then takes a few sheets of paper from the stack, then he notices that he'll have to work with a quill and ink bottle. He dips the quill in the ink and begins to write. The first word written on the page is "Anaceron." Now we flip through a montage of shots from various angles of William writing. Time seems to have frozen still inside this study, and William writes page after page after page, occaisionaly referring to "Entherance," and never tiring. After a while, he picks up the papers he was writing, binds them together with string, and titles the front blank page "Film Amateura." Then everything fades again. INT. MACCLURE LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING We're back in the living room, with William attempting to explain things to Jennifer and Joey. (script editor's note: You wouldn't belive the utter crap Mike had me saying here. He said that Anaceron "needed the visual creativity of Michael Fox in order to access [a] creavive world!" and that I pushed to have Fox direct this film. Ha! But I guess it's *half* true...) JOEY That was an interesting dream, but how does that help us? WILLIAM Had I been the one fully responsible for the script, that would have been the solution to fix everything. But the script isn't mine anymore - Corey probably altered the thing beyond recognition. JENNIFER This is ridiculous! We've come all the way here, and this is all you have to tell us? WILLIAM Now, wait a second. I've figured out a few other... interesting things as well. First, I know what *allowed* all those characters to come to life. You'll remember that the premise of "Film Amateura" includes a portal, right? JENNIFER Yes, it definitely had a portal. WILLIAM The copy of the script that Corey stole from me was only finished up until the point where Zachary and Jeremy entered the portal and Anaceron walked off the cliff. I never intended to have them appear in the 'real world' - I mean, what kind of stupid movie would *that* be? JOEY It'd be dumber than "William Matheson's 'The Artifact.'" WILLIAM Exactly! But the characters had no place to go, so they ended up in the real world. Where'd they come out at, anyways? The high school? JENNIFER No, the Lion's Den at the LeBrun Centre. WILLIAM (surprised) Oh. Interesting. JOEY Okay, well that portal bit makes a *little* sense, but why are unreal things becoming real? Why wouldn't we just have half a movie? WILLIAM Ah, yes. That is a dark matter, I'm afraid. But I guess I'd better tell you all the sordid details since you've come all the way here to hear them... EXT. DUNDAS CONSOLIDATED SCHOOL PLAYGROUND - SUNNY DAY (WILLIAM'S DREAM) William is alone in the playground. He is sitting on one of the swings, facing the back of the school and slowly swinging back and forth, occaisionally kicking off the ground to gain momentum. It is clear that this is William at 19, not 6. WILLIAM (voice-over) I used to go to a small elementary school in Dundas. It's actually next to my Grand Uncle Neil's house, so sometimes I'll come over with the cousins and we'll run around the playground for a bit. This time, though, I came alone. We see William looking at the trees that run alongside the fence, then at the sky above the school. He is very sad. WILLIAM (voice-over) A few memories came back to me, which made me sad, but I knew better than to dwell too much on the past. William takes a deep breath, then gets off the swing, walks a step forward, then collapses face-first in the grass. WILLIAM (voice-over) Sometimes I get these faint or dizzy spells, but this one was the worst. And nobody was around to wake me. We sort of zoom into the back of William's head, then we find ourselves floating towards something in the distance. WILLIAM (voice-over) I guess I was out pretty badly - possibly due to the past memories, I don't know. We see William appear on a small, grassy platform suspended in nothing. Standing on the other side is Anaceron, or a look-alike. She is dressed in contemporary clothing now, however. WILLIAM (voice-over) And when I was out, I saw Tressa! JOEY (voice-over) Tressa? Who the hell is *Tressa?* WILLIAM (voice-over) A woman I had met about a month earlier. I can't exactly say that we hit it off, and we never went out, but she did get to be the inspiration for Anaceron as I was writing "Film Amateura" at the time. (script editor's note: Actually, Anaceron wasn't really inspired by any one female. Just a reminder to the masses that this *is* a work of fiction, eh?) WILLIAM Hi. TRESSA/ANACERON Hello. WILLIAM (voice-over) In real life, Tressa was kind of soured to me - actually, I think she might have wanted to kill me. But here she was really nice to me. TRESSA/ANACERON I love that story you've written. WILLIAM Why, thank you. WILLIAM (voice-over) It goes on like this... it *is* my dream, you know. So anyway, she eventually says... TRESSA/ANACERON I love that character Anaceron you've created. WILLIAM (voice-over) I didn't know at the time what she was getting at... Tressa/Anaceron touches William on the shoulder and whispers something in his ear. TRESSA/ANACERON (whispering) I'm going to be Anaceron now. The dream abruptly ends. INT. MACCLURE LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING William is still talking to Joey and Jennifer. WILLIAM So, I know this sounds stupid, but I think that my previous psychological quagmire is partly responsible for what's going on. I doubt that was the real Tressa - if it was, then I think we'll have stand our current perception of reality on its head. Rather, I think that manifestation of Tressa took over Anaceron and made her evil. JOEY Anaceron? I don't remember much of her, but I don't recall her being evil. Didn't she drop off a cliff? WILLIAM That was the *good* Anaceron. You see, the evil one came to me again... INT. DARKNESS - NIGHT William appears to be dreaming again. He is sitting up in a chair when Tressa/Anaceron walks in. TRESSA/ANACERON I am now the Portal! I am now the Ultimate Power! WILLIAM Are you sure? I thought you were just in my imagination. TRESSA/ANACERON I'm going to take over the world! The portal is the key, because they're making that movie REAL now, and they don't have a second part! It's too easy! WILLIAM They're... filming it? TRESSA/ANACERON Oh, William, of *course* they're filming the movie without you! Do you really think you're that important? Besides, your 'friend' Mike will surely hack out a nonsensical ending on his own. You're not needed! WILLIAM No... I guess I'm not... TRESSA/ANACERON So now, I'm going to make them all sorry they ever read "Film Amateura!" WILLIAM That's... nice... TRESSA/ANACERON Aren't you going to be proud of me? I thought you hated them too! WILLIAM Oh, rest assured, I- The dream ends. INT. MACCLURE LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING JOEY Hey! You didn't tell us if you hated us or not. WILLIAM Oh, of course I don't hate you people. Hate is *much* too strong a word. JOEY Good. WILLIAM Anyway, I think that if you look around a bit, you'll run into this new, evil Anaceron. Since her character was linked to the portal, all you need to do is kill her. And look at it this way, she's not real, so you're not really killing anyone. JENNIFER I don't suppose we can just change the script again, can we? WILLIAM That won't work anymore. She's too far removed from it now, and besides, Corey has the script. JOEY We've got to warn Mike before she destroys the Universe! She *is* trying to destroy the Universe, right? WILLIAM Probably. At that moment, a ROLLED-UP POSTER appears on the floor. Jennifer picks it up and unrolls it. It's a theater poster for "Film Amateura." William gets up to see it, and is a little shocked when he realizes what it is. WILLIAM Well, we're in trouble now. The worlds are probably crossing as we speak. INT. NISO TOWER GREAT HALL - NIGHT - (50F) Resume music: "Boss Battle" by Isao Mizoguchi. Michael and Corey have a good, long fight, but it is eventually interrupted by some funky warping and twisting effects, as if the world they are in is dissolving. The music slowly fades. MICHAEL What's going on?! An all-around warp-effect occurs and now all stand in a split dimension of Film Amateura and Bedford. INT. LION'S DEN PREMIERE ROOM - NIGHT Fade in grey. First the room completely materializes, then the characters. We see Corey sitting on one of the stacks of chairs, his clothes returned to normal. COREY What happened? Where's my royal robe?! Zachary and Jeremy realize where they are, and they run back into the storage room. INT. STORAGE ROOM - NIGHT Zachary and Jeremy run inside to find nothing but tables and chairs - no portal to jump back through. JEREMY *Now* what can we do?! They both run back to join the others. INT. LION'S DEN PREMIERE ROOM - NIGHT ZACHARY The portal is gone! We can't go back! MICHAEL Wait now, let's not give up yet. Maybe we'll see something outside. All head for the exit... EXT. FOX AVENUE (??) - NIGHT All rush outside onto a street that isn't Holland Avenue anymore. It's a main street in a commercial strip. A huge BILLBOARD advertising "SNATCH VEGAS" is seen. MICHAEL It's like the Twilight Zone. ZACHARY *This* isn't the same place we visited earlier. Looking around, they notice signs pointing out the MELON STREET CAFÉ, and the CRONICA MUSEUM. In the distance stands a SKYSCRAPER with a giant sign advertising "Craig Annand Films" above. JEREMY (pointing to the top of the CRAIG ANNAND FILMS BUILDING) Hey, look! Up there! Our Folks Wandering Aimlessly see a shining portal on top of the building. MICHAEL That looks just like the one that you guys took out of "Film Amateura." COREY (dismissive) That portal could lead to any one movie. MICHAEL (angry) Shut up! You tried to kill us! I don't want to hear from you ever again! ZACHARY I must go through it. I have to try to get to Jessica! Before Zachary and Jeremy take off for the tower, though, Joey and Jennifer come running up the street. JOEY Michael! MICHAEL Joey! Glad you're back! What happened? JENNIFER William told us something about Anaceron and the film... Just a quick fade in and out. Spare us the details (and *don't* send us back to Mike's house - we're in a time crunch, and the street will do). Coming back... MICHAEL ... The only way to fix everything is to defeat Anaceron, then. JOEY But it's not the Anaceron from the movie. This is a real one, and she's evil this time! MICHAEL Well, I guess we should check out the portal first. JOEY (trying to get away) Good luck, then. MICHAEL Oh, *no*. You two are coming *with* us. JOEY Crap! MICHAEL Argh... being the director sucks. I swear this is my last movie. JENNIFER There's always the hope... will you put that in writing? MICHAEL (ignoring her) Okay. We are going to go to that portal and hope it leads back to Abel's Cape. Maybe we'll meet Anaceron at the pass. INT. CRAIG ANNAND TOWER - VARIOUS LOCATIONS - NIGHT Bring back the "Star Dragon Theme ['95 Mix]" by Isao Mizoguchi because it's cool. =) The Craig Annand Tower is full of creepy folks, notably the Stalker, who is a character from Ryan Cox's movie of the same name. The Stalker chases the gang around for a bit, but he is vanquished. EXT. ROOFTOP - CRAIG ANNAND TOWER - NIGHT Our People walk out of a door and onto the roof. The blue, shimmering portal is there, as is Tressa/Anaceron. TRESSA/ANACERON You want to go through that portal? Why? MICHAEL We're going to cure Zachary's gi - love interest. TRESSA/ANACERON Oh, please. They're fictional characters! Besides, why do you want to leave this place? Here you're a god! MICHAEL But this is make-believe as well, for I'm not really a god! TRESSA/ANACERON Oh, c'mon, *everything* is make-believe on *some* level! I mean, you don't even know that your entire 'real world' isn't just somebody's story or playset! Of course... (wistfully) all stories must come to an end and your story shall soon enough. Cue music: "Hiro's Fight" by Isao Mizoguchi A *mighty* battle occurs. Again, I'm too lazy to script battles that take place in the sections of the script hijacked by Michael Fox. Tressa/Anaceron is *eventually* defeated (she puts up a grand fight, but it's still six-on-one) and then the portal sucks everyone in. TRESSA/ANACERON (faintly, yet loudly) The story now ends! EXT. ?? - IRRELEVANT Cue music: "Lucia vs. Zophar" - Isao Mizoguchi Tressa/Anaceron and Zachary are alone, surrounded by infinite darkness. ZACHARY Where are Jeremy and the others? TRESSA/ANACERON Gone. Along with everything else. ZACHARY Why am I here? TRESSA/ANACERON You have been chosen. ZACHARY Chosen? TRESSA/ANACERON Chosen by the Universe as its champion. The champion that will fend for all of existence, and for your world of "Film Amateura." Come, fulfil your quest to cure Jessica! We shall fight. ZACHARY Me... fight *you?* You'd destroy me! You're one of the greatest warriors that ever existed! TRESSA/ANACERON Yes, but I am not completely Anaceron, so I cannot fight *like* her; I can only utilize her body. And the battle we are about to fight is of heart. If you want to cure Jessica and save everything more than I want to destroy the Universe, than you shall have your wishes fulfiled. If not... ZACHARY There are people depending on me to protect them! This is for them... and for Jessica. A mighty battle begins, and drags on and on. Zachary eventually wins. Ho-hum. Tressa/Anaceron nearly falls into the oblivion but Zachary catches her. TRESSA/ANACERON Let me go. You've won. ZACHARY No, I won't let you die. TRESSA/ANACERON Look around you... There is nothing... My death will reverse the damage... ZACHARY You don't deserve to die, no matter how evil you are... TRESSA/ANACERON You .... wish to save me... Everyhing fades into nothing. All is black. INT. MISTY HOUSE THAT WILLIAM WAS IN EARLIER - DAY, SORT OF Zachary finds himself inside the same dreamish-like study that William dreamed up earlier. He notices the desk, the papers, and the bookshelves. William's own titles are not present, and the titles of the editions that are here are incomprehensible. Zachary notices a small, open volume on the desk. He sits down and flips through it. There are some written pages at the front, but most of it is blank. He notices the names Zachary and Jessica inside the dialouge. Startled, he flips the book shut so as to see the cover. On the cover is written "Zachary and Jessica." ZACHARY (voice-over) I get it. I get to write a part of my own story. (he checks his pockets) Yes, I still have the antivenin. There is more hope now than ever. He flips the volume open to the blank pages again, and writes for a while. After a page or two, he vanishes from the desk without a trace in mid-sentence. Fade out. INT. SALEEN VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY - FA Jeremy and Zachary run out of the trees at full speed. The other villagers are shocked to see Zachary and this new stranger. VILLAGER Zachary! We thought you had died! Where were you? ZACHARY (shouting as he runs past) No time! I'll talk to you later! Zachary and Jeremy run straight into Jessica's house. INT. JESSICA'S HOUSE - SALEEN VILLAGE - DAY - FA The house is occupied only by Jessica and her father. JESSICA'S FATHER Zachary! What is the meaning of this?! Ignoring the man, Zachary drops to his knees in front of Jessica's cot. He quickly retrieves the antivenin, but pauses just before opening the bottle. ZACHARY Jeremy, is this supposed to be taken orally, or do we have to get it into her blood somehow? At that moment, the Saleen Village Elder comes running in waving an ANTIQUATED INJECTION DEVICE. ELDER (anxiously) No! Into the blood! Here! I have an injection needle! ZACHARY (handing him the bottle of antivenin) Ah, yes. JEREMY (smiling weakly) It would kind of stink to make that mistake, wouldn't it? ZACHARY It would be the most pathetic thing I've ever witnessed. JESSICA'S FATHER What is going on?! I demand an answer! ELDER (while busy preparing the injection) This young man is about to have saved your daughter's life, that is what's going on! The Elder gets about a quarter of the bottle up into the needle, which he delicatley places on Zachary's palm. ELDER Would you like to do it? JESSICA'S FATHER That boy is not to touch my daughter! ELDER Oh, do be quiet. Here, Zachary, (showing him Jessica's arm) you want to slip it in where you can see a vein. I'll guide your hand, and then you can push the needle in, okay? They delicatley inject Jessica's arm with the antivenin. ELDER Where did you *find* this, anyway? ZACHARY I'm not even sure if it really exists. ELDER Oh. After a few moments, Jessica stirrs in her sleep. Then she stretches out, and opens her eyes. JESSICA Wha - what happened?! Where is the boy I was- uh, talking to? JESSICA'S FATHER You'd better not have been talking to any boys! ELDER You were in the Rose Viper Dream. You're alright now. JESSICA (slightly angry) Grrr... You sure made a big assumption that I wanted to be awakened! ELDER (indicating Zachary) Actually, he was the one who went on a great journey to find the antivenin and save you. Jessica is sort of startled out of her anger, and she looks at Zachary with a slight look of wonder. JESSICA Oh. Uh, thanks, Z- Zachary. ZACHARY M-my pleasure. JESSICA'S FATHER Why don't you just leave, boy? You've caused enough trouble. ELDER (quietly, to Jessica's Father) Look, this boy just saved your daughter's life! Maybe you ought to show him a little more respect. We focus in on Zachary and Jessica. JESSICA How - how did you save me? ZACHARY I went on a long trip, like the Elder said. JESSICA That- that was very nice of you. Thank you. ZACHARY (quietly) I did it because... I love you. JESSICA (shocked) W- what? Y-you do? I-I thought you didn't like me! ZACHARY No, I really do. I was just... scared, so I avoided you. JESSICA Oh. (smiles weakly) You know, things might have went a little easier if you had just accepted the fact that you liked me. ZACHARY Perhaps. Now, I'm sorry, but Jeremy and I have to go to my house and get some sleep, or we're liable to keel over and die. See you when I awake. JESSICA See you. Thanks. They smile at each other, then Zachary and Jeremy leave. Cut. INT. ZACHARY'S BEDROOM, ZACHARY'S HOUSE - SALEEN VILLAGE - EARLY MORNING, TWO DAYS LATER - FA Zachary awakens from his looooooong sleep (over 36 hours long) to see Jessica enthusiastically run into the room. They embrace. Fade out. BLACK SCREEN - FA The credits to "Film Amateura" roll, accompanied by "Eternal Blue [Instrumental]" by Isao Mizoguchi. <The Film Amateura credits will be included in a future update, but they would include these items: Film Amateura a Michael Fox film Executive Procucer - Craig Annand Producer - Corey Strong Director - Michael Fox Camera - Michael Fox Art Director - Jennifer Allen Director of Photography - Joey Campbell et cetera...> INT. CHRIS SPENCER MEMORIAL EDITING ROOM - LOKEVIEW HIGH SCHOOL - DAY (1F) As the last few words of the "Film Amateura" credits finish, we pull out to see them being displayed on one of the editing room's many computer monitors. The room is stocked with a few Apple PowerMacintosh G4 film editing workstations. CHRIS SPENCER and Michael are watching the credits together. (NOTE: Chris Spencer is a Mac wizzard known lately for his work in the local amateur movie scene.) CHRIS Score! We did it! MICHAEL Yes... and it only took one month to shoot and edit. Not bad at all. CHRIS Yeah. Well, make sure to call me first for editing your next film. It's been great. MICHAEL Of course. INT. LION'S DEN PREMIERE ROOM - DAY Michael and Joey walk into the room where Corey is setting up the video equippment for the premiere of "Film Amateura" to take place that evening. MICHAEL Almost ready for the premiere tonight? COREY (plugging in some wires) Of course. MICHAEL Well, we got the movie done. Man, what a ride. JOEY Do you think I can be the Director of Photography for your *next* movie? MICHAEL *Next* movie? This is the *last* one, I swear! JOEY Adventures like this don't happen every day. MICHAEL It *did* make a good movie... Corey presses a few buttons, and the opening to "Film Amateura" begins with the sepia-toned clips from various amateur movies. MICHAEL FOX (voice-over, recorded) Film Amateura is the name given to a genre of film that in many ways redefines film as we know it. Even the term 'film,' for instance, is irrelevant seeing that Film Amateura films are shot on video. MICHAEL (as movie plays) I'm going to go get something to eat. Michael leaves and heads for the kitchen, where he sits behind a counter, thinking. Joey and Jen find him and join him. MICHAEL The anxiety is too much. I don't know if they'll like it. It's a weird movie. JENNIFER (shrugs) Heh... it breaks the mold. MICHAEL If new dimensions are created every time someone writes a story, then who is to say that we're not characters in one *big* story? JENNIFER We are. MICHAEL We are. Well then, whoever writes this story is some sort of genius and it's just like a long- running TV series. But it's totally unpredictable! And everybody in the world keeps watching everyday... A LETTER-CARRIER enters the kitchen. LETTER-CARRIER Mr. Fox? MICHAEL Yes, that's me. LETTER-CARRIER I have a letter here for you. (he hands Michael an ENVELOPE) MICHAEL Oh, thank you. The letter-carier nods and leaves. Michael examines the envelope, then reads the enclosed LETTER. JOEY Who's it from? MICHAEL (excited) A low budget film company. I sent them the outline for Snatch Vegas and now they want to *fund* it! We're going into *production!* INT. LAS VEGAS WAREHOUSE - DAY Snatch Vegas and OSTAZ enter the warehouse and breaks up a bunch of THUGS in a drug deal. He, and I quote, "begins to kick ass." Ho-hum. SNATCH Now, *that's* an ass kicking. OSTAZ Hey, Snatch! Behind you! Quote, "Snatch kicks more ass." End quote. MICHAEL (off-camera) Cut! That's a wrap! We now see Michael, Joey, and Jennifer and others standing around with the equippment. JOEY We're ten thousand dollars over budget, and all we have is shit. JENNIFER We're seriously screwing this movie up big time, Mike! Get your act together! MICHAEL (shaking his head) I thought *amateur* stuff was hard. Oh, God... Fade out. Darkness. MICHAEL (voice-over) I *swear* this is my last movie... BLANK SCREEN Cue music: "The End of the Tour" by They Might Be Giants Text on screen We hope you enjoyed "Film Amateura," quite possibly the last of the traditional Michael Fox amateur films. Without you, an audience who is interested in stuff like this, poor Mike would probably have stopped with "The Legend of Zelda." Thank you all for your many years of support. After that, the *real* credits roll. <The credits will be composed in a later version, but here's some of what will be included: Executive Producer - Michael Fox Producer - ? Story by Michael Fox and William Matheson Script by William Matheson and Michael Fox Script edited by William Matheson ... starring ... Michael Fox as Himself Corey Strong as Himself et al.> Fade out. It's over. famscrrev.txt Version 2.01 Copyright 2001 William Matheson and Michael Fox This script, plus my other works, are available at http://willmatheson.com Please obtain my permission before re-posting this document on your own website. Print-publishing and screen-publishing rights reserved. You can contact William via e-mail at w_matheson@willmatheson.com Michael can be found at http://www.angelfire.com/ns/michaelfox or e-mailed at mfox@willmatheson.com EXTENDED VERSION OF THE ABOVE: You're allowed to save, copy and distribute this script however you like, except for three restrictions: You're *not* allowed to modify this document in any way except if you're playing around with it locally; You're *not* allowed to make any movies or other work based on what I've written; and, finally, you're not encouraged to put this up on your own website without contacting me first (but as soon as you contact me, I'll likely as not give you permission). *** Version 0.90 FINALLY finished (more or less) Sunday, May 27th, 2001 around 3:46am in the MacClure household in Souris using JG Soft's EditPad Lite 4.2.1 (to download the best text editor on earth, go to http://www.jgsoft.com right now!). *** *** Version 2.00 finished Wednesday, June 27th, 2001 around 2:40pm in the MacClure household in Souris using JG Soft's EditPad Lite 4.2.1. ***

(2.01 - 3:13pm on the same day)