local joe
The wisdom and enlightenment is still mostly under construction. Go away!
Yahhhhh!!! He he he... Huh? Grrrahh!! Dahhh... Yes, who is it? I don't like you. Ahhh... Holy shit. That's nice. That's really very nice. Now go away!! Duh... glook didalook dededook...

Menacing, isn't it?

By one or two requests, here's a shot of The Hat.  I really did smile in a few pictures, but none of them looked any good. Not that this picture looks good, though.

So now, the big question...

local poll

What does The Hat make me look like? (And I swear friends have suggested each one of these without prompting. If I can make you believe that soo many people are interested in my hat, I've also like to sell you the MacKay Bridge.)

A nerd
A cowboy
A poet
A pimp
Crocodile Dundee
A biker (as in a tricycle, not a motorbike)
A bluesman
Other (e-mail suggestion)

Current Results
Free Web Polls

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E-mail: joe@acce$$
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I'm considering upgrading William Matheson's place on my links page a bit, at least as much so that he overtakes MICHAELFOX.COM. What do you think? And I've also forgotten how to replicate my exact 'updates' style. That kind of stinks.


The Sad Tale of Cyprus - Home of the Goddess Aphrodite. I love these easy updates with Netscape Composer!


As a continuation of local joe's exclusive Hat coverage (like anybody else would cover it), maybe you'd enjoy reading the Ode to My Hat I scribbled out during my free period.

Also, CD reviews have been added for The Essex Green, The Music Tapes, and Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. What? You expected me to review groups you've heard of??


Finally got a new picture and poll for the front page.  And now that it's over, I'll give the official explanation on that last wonky survey:

The question was "sTuy#kae l^fhax Oi(tceq?" (meaning, "Are you or anyone you know aware of the Chisolm family's connection to the Mob?") and the answers were a number of options along the lines of "What the hell are you talking about?" accompanied with one possible gibberish response.  Incredibly, over 60% answered "%gEdbilpo." (meaning, "Yes.") I find that really funny. Especially since now I'll have to trace your ip numbers back to your homes, then kill all of you. Sorry!

The Perspective just came out, so I have no choice but to update the newspaper feature this weekend.  What does that mean?  Nothing. Nobody reads the newspaper!!  Just that you can read here the puny, worthless article with Dan Da Man Budgell.  Thanks for the positive response to Nazi, by the way. It was a piece of crap, but you losers wouldn't appreciate anything better... even Ms. Ray obviously understands that! "Pearls before siwine...", as they say.

I'm also zeroing in on writing some new CD reviews - of groups I guarantee you've never heard of - that I've been putting off for a month. The big secret on the reviews is this: I am still the biggest Sloan fan in the Universe!! I'm just trying to hide it by reviewing other music and by giving the Sloan albums only mediocre ratings. And even though I own six copies of "Oops... I did it again", I can't review it because it would conflict with my fake tastes in music that I'm trying to establish here. And then there's that four paragraph story I wrote in the summer and never finished.  Maybe it'll show up. Not!!

One last thing: I'm linking to this site in that project for WAPME, so there's a small chance that Mr. Law (the coolest damn teacher in the world, second only to Professor Pitcarin!) will come 'round.  In other words, everyone be real polite in the guestbook!  So sorry, you'll have to debate my sexual orientation somewhere else


Definitive proof that I've gone off the deep end. Oh, this isn't a link to a story, this is just one of those old poems I wrote... you said you wanted proof!

As a project for WAPME 12 (Word, Appliance, & Meat Grinding), I've been making a webpage for the CPA Film & Video Club, and it could possibly find a home on local joe.  On that topic, we're always looking for new members, and if we want a decent Film Fest this year we have to get started making pathetic school films as soon as possible.  If you have anything to contribute, even an idea for a movie, please contact me. But I personally think that the whole thing will be going to pot very soon.

And why do I not have my own guestbook war like that of Michael Fox?  I want one!  Argue, dammit!  Start insulting one another!  Just leave me out of it, or I'll kick your ass. My team of nerds and I will exact vengance!!

All content contained herein, with the exclusion of submissions, is ©2000 Joe Chisholm, and he's related to the former NDP leader, so I'd tread carefully if I were you.
Please obtain author's permission to reprint any material, especially if you were going to do a website parody like William Matheson might do (without permission).
Go ahead and link to the site, though. But not to the parody site; no, I mean the real site.